tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67646932313119879852024-03-08T06:15:09.091-08:00An Abundant AdventureA family seeking to live fully for ChristKondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.comBlogger105125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-31032255389869819702018-11-11T09:52:00.000-08:002018-11-14T09:52:25.502-08:00Serving with our whole lives (not just a specific 'ministry')<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b>'He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God' Micah 6 verse 8</b></div>
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<b>'Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God- this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will' Romans 12 verses 1-2</b></div>
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Have you every wondered how you can best serve God with your life? Have you ever heard others talking about their 'giftings' and wondered what yours might be? Have you ever heard somebody decline an invitation to serve in a particular way because that, 'Is not my ministry'? Have you found yourself responding in such manner?<br />
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I think I could answer, 'Yes!', to all of those questions.<br />
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Lately I have found myself frustrated at times when it has seemed others have been so focussed on what 'their ministry' might be that they seem to miss out on opportunities to serve and encourage those whose paths they cross on a regular basis. This seems to be a particular challenge for some groups of Christians more than others. I appreciate that most people have busy lives with multiple competing commitments and that it is never going to be possible for an individual or group of people to be able to meet the needs of everybody who surrounds them, all of the time. But I wonder whether those of use who work-cross culturally, and are often in a particular country to respond to a particular need, or to work with a specific project or organisation are more at risk of missing the opportunities that God brings to us every day.<br />
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One thing that challenged me on this recently was a couple of my local friends commenting how we are unusual for the way we have integrated into our local church. I love our church! It is the greatest blessing to us, and as a family it is wonderful to be up and down to different meetings and ministries through the week, and for the children to grow up seeing the central role of the church in our lives and community. It is not just a Sunday or midweek thing, and it is through serving together in these different aspects that we have been blessed with strengthened friendships in the country that has been our home for these past three years. Of course we have taken delight in embracing the fellowship and different opportunities to serve, and to learn more of the different needs in society here, the cultural beliefs and taboos, the biggest challenges that young people face, and generally the best way to reach out with the gospel. But our friends have mentioned that other foreigners tend to remain more on the fringes and be more distant, and I have found myself responding that we are maybe different because we 'are not missionaries, we are just normal church members'. But that has made me contemplate this area more. There are some areas of church life that are tougher than others, and there have been times when I have invited missionaries who live locally to join and support the work (actually, I am asking them for encouragement and support in a role that I struggle with), but the response is usually that they are too busy with their 'ministry'.<br />
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As a young Christian I attended a Christian Medical Fellowship conference where Helen Roseveare was the speaker. She was brilliant because of her honesty and humility. She spoke of her early years in Congo (more detail is in her books, '<a href="https://www.christianfocus.com/products/958/give-me-this-mountain">Give me this mountain</a>', and '<a href="https://www.christianfocus.com/products/959/he-gave-us-a-valley">He gave us a valley</a>'.) Two things struck me deeply, such that I remember more than twenty years later. Firstly she describes how frustrated she used to become by interruptions, because her task had been to build a hospital and establish a nursing school. How could she do that when she was constantly interrupted? But with time, she came to see that the plans God had for her on a particular day were delivered to her in the form of interruptions. The second thing I remember her saying referred to her ministry in later life. She said that when people asked how she was, she would always mention that she was tired and busy, but then she was convicted of that, and realised that if she really was serving God in all ways with all she had, then she would expect that she might be tired and busy. So she stopped saying that.<br />
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The other week I was visiting friends and saw a very beautiful quote on their fridge: <span style="font-family: inherit;">'<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">“</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">Do</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;"> all the </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">good you can</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">, by all the means </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">you can</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">, in all the ways </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">you can</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">, in all the places </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">you can</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">, at all the times </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">you can</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">to</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;"> all the people </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">you can</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">, as </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">long</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;"> as ever </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">you can</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 16px;">.” John Wesley. This made me think again about the same area.</span></span><br />
<br />In the same week, I was able to enjoy a home Bible study with other friends, and we were discussing 'the body of Christ' and how each of us has a role. One friend gave a helpful illustration - he explained that in the army, a person may be a doctor, or a telecommunications expert, or another technical role, but first and foremost, they are a soldier. They cannot neglect their responsibilities as soldiers because of their technical role. I found this very helpful. Yes, the Bible does talk about specific gifts that are not given to everybody - passages detailing this include 1 Corinthians chapter 12. But there are more passages which give instructions as to how to ordinary Christian is to relate both to other Christians (as a Bible study, look up all the passages which use the phrase 'one another') and to those we seek to reach with the gospel. We are called to be wise, to make the most of every opportunity, to watch our conversation carefully, to visit and care for 'the least of these', to look after the orphan and the widow, to visit the prisoner, and to do much of this 'in secret' without drawing attention to our acts, knowing that it is seen and honoured by God. That is very different from publicly proclaiming 'my ministry' and sticking to that.<br /><br />It reminds me also of the well known story of the 'good Samaritan' (Luke 10 verses 25-37). A man has been beaten and left for dead along a roadside. A priest passed by and also a Levite. They were the religious people of the day, and the passage indicates they saw the man, but they passed by and did nothing. The reasons may have been that they were in a hurry, and this was an inconvenience, or that they were worried about ceremonial cleanliness. Some of it could have been simple pride regarding their positions in society. But they did the exact opposite of what Christ would call us to do for those who are destitute and in desperate need. It was a Samaritan, the last person one might have logically expected, who showed the love, kindness, compassion, patience and generosity that resulted in the man's recovery.<br /><br />It is too easy for us to justify being like the priest or Levite. We can excuse our actions, but I think the overarching theme of the Bible is along the lines of the John Wesley quote - to do as much good as we can, to as many people as we can, for as long as we can. This might not always be noted. It might not earn us prestige in our communities. For the cross-cultural workers and missionaries, it might not be the kind of thing you choose to report in your newsletters or during your presentations on home assignment. But it is through the mess and inconvenience of daily life that God brings gospel opportunities right to you. Your choice is simply whether to trust God with your time, your energy, your resources and then do your best to do what is right, or to turn the other way.<br /><br /></div>
Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-52821379488892285652018-09-16T09:22:00.000-07:002018-09-17T22:29:08.768-07:00Drawing near to the brokenhearted<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b>'The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit' Psalm 34:18</b></div>
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<b>'He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds' Psalm 147:3</b></div>
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<b>'The Spirit of the Soverign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners...' Isaiah 61:1</b></div>
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I have read a couple of articles recently that have made me think about how we draw close to the brokenhearted. The first was from a secular source, where <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/stories-45398894">a woman wrote about her experience of her child's neonatal death, and how it affected her</a>. She particularly spoke about the social taboo that having a child die seems to bring, and how she wishes that more people would speak about her son and ask what his name was. The second was <a href="https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/a-grief-misunderstood">from the Desiring God website, and gives some practical, Bible-based wisdom about drawing near to those who are grieving</a>; a friend whose daughter died last year commented that it is the kind of article that should be printed out and given to people at funerals because it is so clear and hits the nail on the head.<br />
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In the months following our daughter's death ten years ago, I remember feeling very isolated. There was a really tough phase several months after the funeral, when we were back at work and back to 'normality', and yet nothing felt normal at all. At the time, I presumed the feelings of isolation resulted from the grief itself, perhaps a kind of depersonalisation. I also wondered whether my expectations of others were unrealistic, or that it might relate to the fact we had moved between different countries and therefore didn't have the firmly established long term relationships that might be most supportive. Despite being actively involved in churches wherever we had been based, we did not on any occasion have a visit from a member of a pastoral team (nor a phonecall or an email containing more than a sentence in response to emails that we pro-actively sent) - I remember finding that a bit strange, but presumed that there were many more important things to deal with than a young couple whose first child had recently died. To be honest, there were days when I felt like a bit of a nuisance, aware that there were many people who had far more difficult circumstances than we did, and that we should somehow just 'get on with it'. I also didn't want a visit out of pity, and since we didn't have any particular theological questions about what had happened, it felt like there was nothing that anybody could have offered anyway. There were a handful of good friends who did stay close to us, or at least to me, but there were times when I really wanted one of the men from church to spend more time with my husband. People would sometimes ask me how he was doing, but nobody seemed able to ask him that question even when I felt like I was begging them to. Let me be clear - we were not social hermits during that time, and we did spend plenty of time with friends; to the outsider it may well have seemed that we were functioning more or less as we previously had done. But what was missing was the specific conversations where somebody that we looked up to for guidance and counsel would initiate a conversation with us about what had happened, about how we were currently doing and gave us the opportunity, if needed, to talk things through.<br />
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It has taken me ten years to say that, and I hope that writing it today, it can be appreciated that I am not writing out of bitterness. Rather I am writing because of sadness and frustration since I have heard very similar stories many times over the past ten years. Each family is different, each support network is different, each child was unique. But there are also a couple of generalisations that I think can be made, and which perhaps those seeking to support a family in such times might wish to consider.<br />
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The first 'theme' would be that sometimes our church leaders (whether that be the main leaders, or the leaders of different Bible study groups or ministries) have a God-given responsibility to their church members. If there is a family who are going through a situation which seems particularly challenging, care should be taken to ensure that they are not 'falling between the cracks' - make sure that somebody is committed to following up with them, visiting them, contacting them, praying with them, even (and perhaps especially) when it feel so hard and dark. This may not be particularly easy or feel rewarding. But unless it is made clear that such contact is not desired, I would really encourage you to reach out regularly, particularly in the months after all the drama.<br />
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Secondly, it often seems that people who do not have any particular faith are more supportive in times of real trial. It is as though they are more comfortable with uncertainty, with deep and probing questions which do not have easy solutions, or indeed any answers at all. They seem better with the silence, with the pain that cannot really be expressed, with the lack of clear solutions and the need to just be present. I wonder if Christians, perhaps particularly leaders, can feel inadequate if they don't have the words and the Bible expositions to 'solve' the problems and bring comfort. If there were 'easy' answers or quick solutions, I would imagine many families would have found these. Of course, there are many wonderful passages of the Bible which speak to suffering - that it is to be expected in this world, that it is no surprise to God, that God teaches us so very much through it, that it is common to man, that one day there will be no more sorrow or pain - there are these wonderful passages in 1 Peter, James, Romans, Revelation and so forth. I can recite all of these from memory with ease, but that knowledge of Scripture did not mean that I did not need spiritual encouragement. There are times when a person who is grieving is very familiar with the 'suffering' passages in the Bible, can believe them with their whole heart, but still be overwhelmed by a grief that cannot be put into words. There is a time for silence, for just being there. There is a time to just listen. Please don't label people as 'coping well' when you actually don't know how they are really doing. Please don't put people on a pedestal because they frequently testify to God's goodness and grace through their trials. Please remember that grief and faith are not opposites, and these people may be suffering more than you could imagine (and you didn't think to ask, because they seemed to be 'coping well').<br />
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Thirdly, in the case of child death, please don't forget the fathers! <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.com/2015/05/bereaved-fathers-forgotten-group.html">I wrote about this here</a> a few years ago. Sadly it still seems the case that the mothers are seen as the one who has been bereaved. It is a generalisation of course, but women tend to be more expressive of their emotions, whereas men may be more likely to withdraw. A woman might become very emotional whereas a man might seem more irritable and unapproachable. It might be easier to draw alongside the woman, but the man is facing the same grief and needs encouragement and support to lead his family through this time of trial.<br />
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Fourthly, most grieving people seem to appreciate the chance to talk about their loved on, to hear their name, to hear stories about ways in which they influenced the lives of others. Sometimes there is a need to talk about the trials and the pain, and at other times to share again the stories of God's grace and faithfulness. As the years go by, sometimes the need for this becomes greater, the need to have that tangible memory that their loved one was a very real part of their family, and had a life which mattered. I do not know of anybody who would be offended if they were asked to explain a bit more about how things felt, or to be asked about what might be the best way to support them. In general, I think most people are also happy to make it clear when they would rather not talk.<br />
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One of the reasons I have blogged less over recent months is because I feel to an extent that the same challenges tend to recur through life and I have often written a bit about a particular topic. That being said, I will flag up some things I have written in the past few years about how grief changes with time, and what I think a family might really need. <a href="https://homeeducationnovice.blogspot.com/2014/06/recently-couple-of-people-have-asked-me.html">Six years after she died, I wrote this</a>. <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.com/2015/05/grief-7-years-later-wish-list.html">Seven years afterwards, I put together a kind of 'wish list'</a>. <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.com/2018/05/10-years-since-my-baby-died-reflection.html">Ten years afterwards, I reflected on some of the precious lessons we had learned</a>. There are other links within those posts which might be helpful.<br />
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I do not wish to imply that the death of a child is somehow different from any other kind of overwhelming grief. The death of a spouse. The death of a close friend. Severe illness either personally or in a loved one which causes the death of life as it once was, perhaps the death of hopes and dreams. There are many situations which bring deep grief. And I imagine that many of these feel just as 'taboo' as the death of a child.<br />
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I write today partly out of frustration, and partly out of sadness. As Christians we should do better to support our brothers and sisters in their time of need. Whilst we should 'study and do our best to present ourselves to God as one approved, who correctly handles and rightly divides the word of truth', we should remember that there are times to support more practically, and times to support simply through presence. I will not spend time today looking at all the Bible passages about how we are to relate to 'one another' through times of joy and sorrow; there is much that can be said, but I think many Christians will be familiar with these. But I think it is important to re-iterate that this is not always easy, now always rewarding, and at times can simply be tough. There will be times when we feel totally uncomfortable, and unsure of what is the best thing. I feel that way when spending time with the bereaved, even though I've experienced a couple of difficult bereavements (my infant daughter as I've already written about, and also the death of my mother by suicide when I was 16, which I have never written about). It's uncomfortable and painful because it is simply uncomfortable and painful - it is not how things were meant to be. The chances are, the grieving person has no real idea what they really want or feel they need, but it might be worth asking. If you want to know how it feels, ask!<br />
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I hope that by writing on this topic, you might feel better equipped to draw near to bring comfort to those who are brokenhearted.<br />
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Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-18799343594060651392018-08-28T16:11:00.003-07:002018-08-28T16:33:09.681-07:00Steady state<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
When a person takes a medication, after the first few doses they reach steady state. If you plot the concentration of the drug in the blood against time, you see a few deep peaks and troughs, and then after a couple of days, everything levels out into steady ups and downs, and we say that the drug has reached 'steady state'. Lately, I have felt a little as though I have reached steady-state in terms of life.<br />
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For about five years, I wrote a blog post every week. Those were the early years of parenting. Those were the years of adjusting to cross-cultural living with a young family. Those were the years when we considered long and hard the different approaches to education, decided to home educate, and then decided to use a literature-based approach to develop critical thinking and active learning (we use Sonlight, but there are other curricula that have a similar philosophy). Often I would write to reflect on something we had read, or experienced. Sometimes I would write in response to a challenge or a trial which presented itself.<br />
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It is not that life is devoid of trials these days. But rather, I sometimes feel that many of the bigger, more foundational questions about how we structure our life, work, education of our children and other responsibilities have been answered, at least in principle. The goals that we set in these early years remain - but they are long-term goals, with no quick check-lists or neat comments to describe how the goal was met. Rather, we have set the foundations and the directions for our family life, and what comes next is the outworking of those goals and that direction. And that can be a fairly busy time, perhaps with less time for reading and reflection compared to when the children were tiny.<br />
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Recently, we reflected how twenty one years ago we met and talked about our hopes and dreams for the future. At the time we were medical students, dreaming about how we might one day use our skills to serve the Lord overseas. Twenty one years later, we can see how we have spent most of the past twelve years living in working in Africa, having lived in southern, west, and now east Africa. We talked about how we would like to have children, and also about how we might consider adoption. We have since had three biological children and adopted two. We considered different potential avenues of ministry, and looking back we can see how we have often become involved in leading small groups Bible studies from our home, often involving students and young professionals who are asking themselves many of the same questions as we did more than two decades ago. Back then, I don't think either of us had particularly heard of or thought about home education, but the more we investigated, read and learnt about it, we became convinced that this was the right approach for our family, at least for the time being. Although not always the easiest path, we can reflect on how each of our children is growing in different areas, and that we have time to focus on the challenging areas (and in that, I would include behaviours). Also, over the past twenty one years we have been through various griefs and trials which have refined our faith, and provided us with a firm confidence that even in the darkest of times in this world, God's truth never fails and we can look forward to a heaven where there will be no more sorrow or pain.<br />
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It is not that I think we have answered all the questions, or that we have no more goals! But rather, we continue to work along a steady trajectory. And so, week by week, there is not always a topic that I feel needs unpacking to the extent that I previously did. Or, when I do feel such a topic arises, I can often find a similar post that I have written at some point over the past five years.<br />
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So, I intend to write when I think it is helpful - both for myself, and for those who might be reading this blog. Perhaps there will come another season of regular challenges, changes in perspective, changes in direction, response to event within our family, church or society or so forth. And perhaps there will come a time when I simply have a little more time to really dig into some of the issues that I have touched upon in this blog.<br />
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Recently I read a helpful analogy (I can't remember the source) - that you spend the first half of your life building a container - building those foundations and structures that will shape your life. And then, you spend the second half of your life filling that container. Apparently a mistake that people can make (and organisations - the analogy applies there also) is to spend the whole of life rebuilding the 'container'. The analogy resonated with me, as I feel we have moved into the 'filling the container' phase.<br />
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I hope the blog continues to bring encouragement.</div>
Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-39635232549898925152018-07-03T20:38:00.000-07:002018-07-03T21:21:34.308-07:00Contentment and small trials and 'irritations'<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<b>'But godliness with contentment is great gain' 1 Timothy 6:6</b><br />
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<b>'Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, "children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation". Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life' Philippians 2: 14-16</b><br />
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Often on this blog, I consider how we can stand fast in our faith in the face of trials. Many times I have discussed ways in which we don't just stand fast, but see our faith in our amazing God flourish and see Him working all kinds of good in us, through us and around us through perseverance in the face of trials. (For example, <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.com/2017/10/9-reasons-i-remain-thankful-through-pain.html">here</a>, <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.com/2017/02/10-things-i-learnt-through-my-daughters.html">here</a>, <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.com/2017/08/understanding-attributes-of-god-in-face.html">here</a> or <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.com/2017/09/standing-firm-in-trial-appreciating.html">here</a>). But, lately I have also been thinking about what a person might consider a 'trial' to be.<br />
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Is it easier to accept a sudden, unexpected, extreme event as within God's sovereignty rather than the more trivial, day-to-day inconveniences? Is it easier to see how God is in perfect control when something that seems entirely outside of human control occurs?<br />
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The other morning I read this very helpful article via the Desiring God website: '<a href="https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/ten-thousand-small-trials">Ten Thousand Small Trials'</a> This made me think about the things that can throw me off course and feel discontent during daily life. A powercut on the day I forgot to fully charge my computer and mifi device. A traffic jam, simply because another driver seeks to be selfish and has cut through the traffic to the junction and completely blocked the other side of the road. A colleague who seems to be struggling to understand and act on some instructions, and it seems it would have been a lot quicker just to have done the task without delegating. A relational misunderstanding that seems set to escalate without easy resolution. A child whose behaviour has been trying in small but persistent ways through the day. Is God sovereign in these? Absolutely! Can God develop our faith in these? Without doubt! Are these trials enough to build in us all the wonderful things that are listed in 1 Peter 1, James 1, Romans 5 and the other passages (things like perseverance, character, hope, faith being proven genuine, hope that does not disappoint). Yes indeed!<br />
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Of course everything has it's flipside, and the opposite of contentment is often envy. On that same morning, I also read this article on '<a href="https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/seven-strategies-for-fighting-envy">Seven Strategies for Fighting Envy</a>'. Envy is a funny one - it gets onto all the lists of sins to avoid and characteristics of ungodly people, but in some ways it is different from other sins. It doesn't lure us with the promise of something (pleasure, success, popularity, comfort, ease, whatever it is we perhaps long for). It is something that may not have an obvious external manifestation. And I think (in my circles at least) it is something that is rarely discussed among Christians, and something which people rarely admit to. For me, it is a horrible sin that hits at the most unexpected times, sometimes for no discernible reason.<br />
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I think there is something which bring both of these issues to the forefront: social media! The first thing I wish to say, is that I think social media can be very useful, and can be used in many different ways to glorify God. Personally, living many thousands of miles from family and many of my closest friends, I find it a valuable way to be able to maintain relationships, at least to an extent, to share to a tiny degree in life events that I miss out on (birthdays, weddings, graduations, holidays), and to seek to encourage my friends and <b>'consider how you may spur one another on towards love and good deeds' (Hebrews 10:24)</b>. The second thing I would say, is that <b>'there is nothing new under the sun'</b>. Changing means of communication and technology does not cause sin, but rather might provide a new avenue for sin, or open up a temptation we had not predicted. This is not a rant against one specific thing, but rather an observation.<br />
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One trend I have noticed, is the type of post which moans about a small trial. For example, it is currently warm in Europe. For most of the year, people complain about the weather, and now that it is hot and sunny, there are an equal number of complaints. 'How can a person manage with a baby in this heat?', 'This is unbearable', 'Where is the ice?', and so forth. This is just an example. I also see it among new parents, whose post seem to be a continual complaint about the day to day realities of looking after a baby - listing the number of times the baby woke in the night, describing in detail a nappy change that went awry, these types of situations. And the responses are usually affirmatory - 'Poor you, it's so tough, yes, I will validate you in this'. The reason I struggle with those types of posts is that rather than helping the person see their experience as a reality of life, and embracing it as every bit as God-given as anything else, they tend to take a person's eyes off the goodness of God, and onto themselves. And with social media, it is rare indeed for a person to post a comment that does not go along with what the original poster wishes. And so it can be self-perpetuating. Rather than thanking God for a healthy child who wakes in the night for a feed, and thanking God for those quiet night hours which are an opportunity to find strength in Him and to pray, people can be encouraged to self-pity and to think that their experience is outside the normal boundaries of reality. There can be an unhealthy introspection (for example, the pregnant friend who complains daily about the pregnancy might not see how that can be hurtful to the single friend or the one who longs for a child). But within the narrow bounds of social media, it can be very difficult to draw alongside the person who persistently makes these types of posts and seek to encourage and disciple them that there can be a better way. (Here, I am not talking so much about the occasional post, but those individuals who make it a pattern. If you use social media, you know what I mean!)<br />
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The Bible makes it clear that thinking positively is both a choice and a discipline. Look at <b>Philippians 4:8: 'Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things'.</b> Or <b>2 Corinthians 10:5 'We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ'. </b>We should be encouraging one another to learn an '<a href="https://homeeducationnovice.blogspot.com/2012/07/cultivate-gratitude-attitude.html">attitude of gratitude</a>', and yet these subtle things on social media are doing the exact opposite, and seem to encourage one another that it is OK to complain about small things. We should be seeking to live differently to the world around us. And the wonderful promise in Philippians 2 is that by doing so, we can <b>'shine like stars in the universe as we hold out the word of life'. </b>It is so counter-cultural to be content and thankful, that our attitude in the face of both the big trials and the day-to-day hassles can be a means of sharing <b>'the reason for the hope that we have' (1 Peter 3:15)</b><br />
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I think one reason this grumbling might happen, and it ties in with the thoughts about envy, is that <a href="https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-false-reality-of-social-media">social media can paint a very false reality</a>. I am aware that when a person looks at my Facebook page (the main page which is open, more than what I might share in smaller groups of trusted friends), it can look as though I live in tropical paradise, with endless field trips and adventures, continual home cooking and outdoor activities, surrounded by friends. These aspects are all there! But between these, is the day to day grind (powercuts, traffic jams, minor illnesses, children to discipline, work to complete, medical emergencies, general life, work and relational issues). But those aren't things that make a nice photo, or that I write home about. One thing I struggle with in this season of life is that my husband and I very rarely have time alone outside the house without the children (maybe once a year at current rates) - and when that is getting me down, I seem to notice that 'everybody' on Facebook has had an evening out with their spouse, has had grandparents take the children for a weekend, has had opportunity to do the one thing that I find elusive. And so, rather than celebrating what God has provided for both my friends, and for my own family, envy creeps in. I tell you for sure, if we did have an evening together, I would not post about it on Facebook but would be off enjoying the time! But you see the principle, and I need to know when just to stop, to stop comparing myself to others or allowing envy and discontentment to creep in and steal the joy in what blessings I have. I need to know when 'catching up with old friends' becomes unhealthy.<br />
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One never really can tell what lies behind a perfect picture. And, one never can tell what will happen tomorrow, or even later today. The book of Ecclesiastes is very clear that there is a 'time for everything' time to mourn, time to dance, time to live, time to die. When we look only at a snapshot, that can cause both discontentment or envy, and the root of both is often a failure to appreciate and celebrate God's sovereignty in the rich abundance of life.<br />
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Recently, I reflected on why sometimes <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.com/2018/06/why-does-god-answer-same-prayer-in.html">it can seem that God has answered the same prayer of two individuals in different ways</a>, and how this can fit with a God that is sovereign, good, loving, kind and wise. Many of the principles are just the same in the 'smaller' trials. Why does one person have a baby who sleeps 'through the night' by six weeks, when mine took five years to achieve this? Why does my friend not seem to struggle with the child discipline issues that cause us such difficulty? Why do I suffer with an invisible hidden disability which sometimes keeps me from serving God in a way which I think would be more effective than my current life? Why does my friend have a bigger, nicer home, better for hospitality? Why this, why that? Why not accept all things, both good and challenging, as part of God's wonderful, abundant, bountiful provision for your individual life, and seek to honour Him in that?<br />
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So, as I prepare for today - and whatever joys or challenges (and combination of the two) that lie ahead, I resolve to see everything as an opportunity to serve God, and glorify Him.</div>
Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-12692890352366423422018-06-24T11:03:00.000-07:002018-06-25T20:35:10.616-07:00Why does God answer the same prayer in different ways for different people?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<b>'Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing psalms. Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the sick and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain; and it did not rain on the land for three years and six months. And he prayed again, and the heaven gave rain, and the earth produced its fruit'. James 5:13-18</b><br />
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A well known passage. God can do amazing things! He is a God of miracles. He is good and loving. He answers prayer. He forgives sin. The Bible is full of inspiring examples.<br />
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But what about when the healing doesn't happen? In the past year, I've had two friends in very similar situations. Both had babies with serious heart problems who needed to travel abroad for surgery. Both had similar underlying medical problems. In both cases, the parents were strong, vibrant Christians (worship leaders and missionaries, respectively). In one case, prayer after prayer was answered, doors were opened, things that seemed impossible came to pass, surgery was uncomplicated, recovery smooth and there has been much celebration. In the other case, whilst the surgery seemed initially to go well, the child died some months later. I have no doubt that the parents (and their friends and loved ones) would have been praying very similar prayers in both instances. So, why the difference? My children, knowing both families quite well, have also been asking these questions!<br />
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My eight year old was very clear. 'God answers prayer in three possible ways. Yes, no, or not now'.<br />
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My nine year old was also quite clear. 'God knows the way in which He will be glorified most, and that will not be the same for every person. He chose things to happen the way they did so that more people can hear about His goodness'.<br />
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I agree with both of these, but it is quite poignant when you see a friend torn apart by grief, not necessarily seeing just why God would be more glorified through the loss of her child! And when faced with the question, I realise that the question can only be answered with the eternal perspective.<br />
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Platitudes come into being because there is often truth within them. So, when God doesn't answer a prayer in line with our deepest human longings, of course He is still working good. <b>'And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose' Romans 8:28.</b> It's a wonderful, powerful verse. And yet it can feel like a slap in the face to somebody wrestling with this question.<br />
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One of the first things I think it is essential to remember is that, <b>'Jesus Christ is the same, yesterday, today and forever' (Hebrews 13:8).</b> When the Lord revealed Himself to Moses, He described Himself thus: <b>'The Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering and abounding in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin...' (Exodus 34:6).</b> The character of God does not change and will not change. Our perception of God may be challenged. But that does not mean for a second that He has changed. I think time spent meditating on the attributes of God is very helpful when facing difficult questions, and<a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.com/2017/08/gods-sovereignty-and-goodness-comfort.html"> I recently wrote more about that here</a>.<br />
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It is important to consider all of His attributes, rather than focussing one one or two alone. <a href="https://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-study/topical-studies/15-amazing-attributes-of-god-what-they-mean-and-why-they-matter.html">This article summarises these attributes well</a>. The perfect combination is important - because one can accept that God is omnipotent, all powerful, but might not appreciate that He is also good, and wise. One might accept that God is omniscient, knowing all things, but then feel rejected and abandoned because He must have chosen to ignore your pain and circumstances. But when we remember that He is wise, good, just, merciful, gracious and loving - then we recognise that He is fully aware of the situation, of the prayers that have been uttered, the tears that have been shed, and the currently overwhelming sorrow that is being experienced.<br />
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Our God is triune - the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Considering Christ the Son, <b>'He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him'. (Colossians 1:15-16).</b> Despite this power, <b>'We do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathise with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need'. (Hebrews 4:14-16).</b> He knows our sorrow, our confusion, our questioning - and invites us to come to Him in prayer and find the help we need.<br />
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But all of this only answers the question in part! So far, we have established that:<br />
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1. God does not change<br />
2. God is able to perform miracles as He is fully powerful<br />
3. God is aware of everything that any person is going through and is compassionate<br />
4. God is perfectly kind, loving and wise<br />
5. As a man, Jesus walked through trials and pain, and invites us to bring these to Him in prayer<br />
6. God works in every situation for good<br />
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But still the question remains: Why then, would this good, powerful, unchanging God work in different ways in response to similar prayers? Why would He put some of His children through extreme pain and suffering, and seem to provide a way out for others?<br />
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Earlier this evening I read Philippians to my children, and noted this: <b>'For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body that it might be conformed to His glorious body, according to the workings by which He is able even to subdue all things to Himself' Philippians 3:20-21.</b> Illness and death is a sign of our bodies being subject to decay, to brokenness, and here we are reminded to look to eternity - to transformation and restoration. This echoes of Paul, '<b>Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal'. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18.</b> And it leads forward to the promise given in Revelation, <b>'Behold the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people, God Himself will be with them and be their God. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away'. Revelation 21:3-4.</b><br />
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When we look with human eyes, considering the here and now, we see a paradox between the apparent 'answered' and 'unanswered' prayers. But when we consider what is happening from the eternal perspective, I find things start to fall into place:<br />
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1. Heaven is better by far! As Paul wrote, '<b>For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain' (Philippians 1:21). </b>Those who have died in faith have been 'fast-tracked' or 'promoted' to glory. For them, suffering and pain has ended and they are fully free to worship perfectly for eternity. (I am aware I am not bringing in the added complexity of when a loved one dies, apparently not in faith - this also presents a challenge, and I should aim to write about that separately).<br />
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2. Sufferings and affliction are used by God for His glory. There are so many passages about how we should expect suffering and tribulation, about how trials present unique opportunities for growth, and about how God is honoured in these situations that I shall not attempt to list them all here. My favourites include <b>1 Peter 1, James 1, Romans 5</b>.<br />
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3. In the light of eternity, the pain and frustration we face here is short-lived. If you study the circumstances that Paul described as 'light and momentary', you can see that few people enduring these would use such language to describe them: <b>'in labours more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequently, in deaths often. From the Jews five times I received forty stripes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods; once I was stoned; three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I have been in the deep; in journeys often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils of my own countrymen, in perils of the Gentiles, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; in weariness and toil, in sleeplessness often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and in nakedness - besides the other things...' (2 Corinthians 11:23-28).</b><br />
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4. Whilst God might display some of His glory through 'answered prayer' here and now, He is achieving eternal glory (some of which may be apparent, other of which may only become apparent in eternity) through the prayers that seem to be unanswered, or which are not answered according to our human desire.<br />
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I think a third aspect that we must consider is what might be considered a person's 'lot'. The book of Ecclesiastes deals with this extensively - that a person may pursue pleasures and security in the here and now, and find it all to be 'vanity'. <b>'Here is what I have seen: it is good and fitting for one to eat and drink, and to enjoy the good of all his labour in which he toils under the sun all the days of his life which God gives him; for it is his heritage. As for every man to whom God has given riches and wealth, and given him power to eat of it, to receive his heritage and rejoice in his labour - this is the gift of God. For he will not dwell unduly on the days of his life, because God keeps him busy with the joy of his heart' (Ecclesiastes 5:18-20)</b>. Basically, we should focus on what God has given us, and accept the good and the bad parts. When I reflect on my life so far, I can see situations where prayers have been answered dramatically, in the way that I would have chosen (the immediate example is when my second son was acutely ill and close to death, that he responded within a few days to treatment and had no lasting consequences, and that his adoption went through within about six weeks without any challenges), and of course others situations where I have felt the sorrow of the prayers being answered differently (for example my daughter's death). Whilst we are caught up in a situation of sorrow or of rejoicing, it is important to remember that there will be other times in our lives when we experience the opposite. And as discussed above, God will not have changed, and will not have made a mistake.<br />
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At the end of John's gospel, Jesus has just told Peter about how his life will end. Peter immediately wanted to know about what would happen to his friend, John. '<b>When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord, what about him?" Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me." Because of this, the rumour spread among the believers that disciple would not die. But Jesus did not say that he would not die; he only said, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?" (John 21:21-23)</b> I opened this blog post with the question of why God would act 'differently' in two similar situations. And yet, the pain of apparently 'unanswered prayer' is much easier to bear when you do not see the other situation right in front of you. I think there is great wisdom in Jesus' words to Peter here: "What is that to you? You must follow me."<br />
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Again, there is a lot we can learn from the Apostle Paul (you can see that reading through the whole of Philippians as the childrens' bedtime reading did us all good!): <b>'I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content; I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me' (Philippians 4:11-13).</b> Our contentment should not depend on what we have, but ultimately on our relationship with God. <b>'Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and <u>rest your hope fully</u> on the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Christ' (1 Peter 1:13). </b>By finding satisfaction and true joy and peace in Christ alone, we are better positioned to weather the storms of pain and loss, and better able to trust that whilst we cannot fully understand why things are as they are, that we have not been wronged or forgotten by God.<br />
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I think there are also other complicating factors that can make the situations very difficult to bear. These relate to the fact that all Christians are sinners saved by grace. We are all open to temptation, and will not relate to one another with that perfect wisdom, kindness, grace, love and gentleness that the Lord displays to us.<br />
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A couple of specifics come to mind:<br />
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1. Jealousy/ envy. It is very easy to feel envious when another person seems to have had their prayer answered in the way you wanted yours to be! I think this happens a lot in the Christian life - when a friend gets a good job, or married, or the couple who have been praying for children have children, I could go on. When there is a situation as extreme as the death of a child, it can be easier to dismiss the feeling as reasonable or acceptable. However, it fails to recognise that God has, somehow, in His wisdom, given you your current situation. It is not wise to spend too long thinking about the situation of another - there may well be things that you are unaware of, and as Jesus said to Peter: "What is that to you?" I think it is not going too far to describe every aspect of life, including the painful and sorrowful as a gift (<a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.com/2017/10/9-reasons-i-remain-thankful-through-pain.html">and I recently wrote about that here</a>), but I think it does take a long time to reach that point. It is hard to face up to darker feelings, but remember that God will not be shocked. '<b>Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep' (Romans 12:15)</b> is a well known verse; I find it telling that the two situations are placed right next to one another. It is difficult to celebrate with one family on the wonderful news, and to stand with another family in their sorrow. I think that verse is there, like that, to remind us that it is tough, but through the strength that God gives us, we should seek to do so.<br />
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2. Glory (whether it be through the miraculous 'answered prayer' or through the trial and sorrow) belongs to God alone. At either extreme, there may be people who (deliberately or unwittingly) seek to be in the limelight. Many years ago I attended a church where there was a general feeling that having a certain person pray for you would be more likely to 'result' in the desired outcome. The individual who prayed would try to take the glory from the God who had answered the prayer, and celebrations of 'miracles' often seemed to have more to do with the spiritual prowess of an individual rather than the amazing power of God. This can occur more subtly, and even churches which would stand firmly against any form of 'prosperity' teaching need to take care that there is not a subtle communication contrary to that teaching. Similarly, I have seen bereaved parents who have stood firm in their faith be almost revered by their community as having 'strong faith', to the extent where they have felt isolated and discouraged, longing for Christian fellowship where they can talk frankly about the ups and downs of their grieving process (and all other aspects of their Christian life). These things can be subtle, but can cause damage in relationships.<br />
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As is often the case, I am very aware I have not answered the question fully. Returning to the conversation with my children which prompted me to write, my simple answer would be:<br />
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1. God is good, powerful and in control, and never changes<br />
2. God's desire is that He be glorified in and through every situation<br />
3. Life here is short compared with heaven<br />
4. Some things will be difficult to understand and painful in this world<br />
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How would you respond?<br />
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Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-13324192029485048092018-05-26T02:53:00.000-07:002018-05-26T02:53:44.801-07:0010 years since my baby died: A reflection<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Today marks ten years since our first child died. These past months have been strange as we remember everything that took place between 12th April 2008 when she became ill and 26th May 2008 when she died. We always remember at this time of year, but this year has been different. Sometimes the emotions have been stronger, almost as though it happened yesterday. Some days, it feels so distant that it is almost as though it was something that happened to somebody else in some kind of dream. Sometimes I feel that I have said everything that needs to be said, and that there are no new memories and no new discussion points.<br />
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But I am often reminded of how much she remains part of our lives, and how she taught us more in a short life than many children will teach their parents. Even this year, we've had several friends walk a similar path, and it can be an honour to walk alongside them, to share their stories and their tears, and try to help them find their strength and hope in God. Part of the gift that our daughter gave us is that particular role, perhaps not a role that one would choose, but one which we have been prepared for in some ways.<br />
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Three years ago I wrote about how <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2015/05/grief-7-years-later-wish-list.html">grief changes with time</a>, and about the things that I would want people to know about how the grief felt with the passing of the years. Today I will build on that, and share some other reflections. I am writing to those who are walking through grief and loss, and to those who walk beside them.<br />
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1. You don't 'get over it', and nobody should expect you. I see it more like a person who has a limb amputated - the immediate pain and subsequent disability might pass, and a person might learn to function to a very high level. Just look at some of the paralympian athletes! But the part is still missing, and there may be days when that causes more pain or disability than at other times - perhaps associated with illness, stress or other trauma. Your life builds around the loss, but there will be a part that is changed forever.<br />
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2. Change can be positive or negative or neutral. I find it helpful to consider all the ways that our daughter's illness and death changed our lives for the better, and on the darker days to spend time counting the blessings. I've written more about that <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2017/02/10-things-i-learnt-through-my-daughters.html">here</a>, but in summary, I think we have a clearer perspective of what is really important, tend to be more focussed and live 'in the moment', not knowing what tomorrow holds. I think having known deep sorrow, we can sometimes appreciate greater joy. We are not afraid of discussing difficult topics, and don't run from uncomfortable conversations or emotions. There are many things that are good. But sometimes this can also bring aspects that are not so easy - it can sometimes be difficult to relate to others, especially when people are getting very worried about 'first world problems' or things that seem trivial. There are times when the grief can feel very lonely, and it can be difficult to explain to people who we have met more recently. The focus on what is happening now, and not worrying about tomorrow can sometimes make it difficult to plan more than a month or two ahead.<br />
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3. Every person's grief is different. That might sound very obvious, but it is so important to listen carefully to what a grieving person is saying, and not to try and apply any 'formulas' for their recovery. Even if two situations seem very similar on the outside, the individuals involved are unique. This year I've spent some time reflecting on whether there are any fundamental beliefs that might make it easier for a person to work through agonising loss, and I think a large part might be how they view the nature of God. <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2017/08/gods-sovereignty-and-goodness-comfort.html">I wrote about that here</a> , <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2017/08/understanding-attributes-of-god-in-face.html">here</a> and <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2017/09/standing-firm-in-trial-appreciating.html">here</a>. But even then, the way a person will respond day to day, the fluctuations, the temptations - these will be different between individuals.<br />
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4. You cannot grade grief. All loss is painful. It does not make sense to try and comfort a person by pointing out all the other people who are in far 'worse' situations, or who have experienced a string of losses. I am thankful that God cares about the details of our lives so very much, and is filled with compassion for each of us. We must take care not to minimise another person's loss (or our own), but rather approach each situation and its context.<br />
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5. At the same time, we must remember that suffering is to be expected in this life. As the Apostle Peter wrote (1 Peter 4:12-13) <b>'Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you also may be glad with exceeding joy'</b>. It is also wrong to think that your own suffering is worse than anybody else can imagine. I have reflected on this before, but I think it was much easier for us to be living in southern Africa after our daughter died, where one out of two women in my city had a baby die under the age of five. It was accepted to be a painful loss, but not beyond the normal experience in society. Sometimes by tiptoeing around a person, perhaps allowing and even enabling sinful behaviours, we can actually hinder their processing of the situation and moving forward.<br />
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6. There are days when you just long for heaven, for the place where <b>'God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away'</b> Revelation 21:4. This need not be a bad thing - I think <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2017/10/9-reasons-i-remain-thankful-through-pain.html">through pain, we can have a clearer perspective on eternity</a> and those things that matter most. But just because something brings good does not mean that it is not painful.<br />
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7. Similarly to the point above, faith and grief are not opposites. I find <b>John chapter 11</b> very helpful here. When Jesus was told of the death of Lazarus, He wept even though He knew He was about to perform an incredible miracle. Why did He weep? Because death and loss are painful. Did Jesus' sorrow mean He lacked faith? Absolutely not! I think this is important, because one thing that we found difficult was what felt like an assumption that because we were able to hold fast to our faith (and indeed our faith grew!), that this was not a very painful time, and that it doesn't still hurt. It sometimes can be easier to identify people who are obviously struggling - perhaps expressing major doubts in their faith, stumbling into sin, adopting unhealthy behaviours and coping strategies. But even if you think your friend is 'coping well', ask them from time to time even as the years pass.<br />
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8. God's word and promises are the rock on which we stand. I love the Psalms - because there, the full range of human emotions and experience are laid bare as the writers bring their pain and fear, or their joy and delight, before God. God is not shocked by our emotions, since they are part of how He made us. We can pour out our hearts before Him, any time we wish. There may be many clamouring voices offering worldly wisdom or passing comfort, but God's word is eternal and will stand the test of time. For me, the Psalms in particular remind me of that.<br />
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9. <b>'Seeing then that we have a great High Priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a High Priest who cannot sympathise with our weaknesses, but was in all points tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need'. Hebrews 4:14-16</b> Those words are pure gold!<br />
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Our daughter's life was a very pivotal time in our lives. There were days when it felt very clearly that there was a choice to be made in how we lived and in how we responded. It was a time of priority setting, and considering everything in the light of eternity. It was the time when we knew with certainty: <b>'In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honour and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith - the salvation of your souls' 1 Peter 1:6-9</b><br />
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Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-35313451815593768692018-03-11T08:45:00.000-07:002018-03-11T08:45:27.568-07:00Long time, no post!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This has been the longest gap in my blog for five years. There was no particular reason, except that I felt there was nothing to say. Life has settled into a lovely routine of living and working here in East Africa, the children are all doing well in their homeschooling, with the usual ups and downs and attitudes that most homeschooling blogs describe, and life has just been busy.<br />
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Also, round about November, I was hit with some kind of exhaustion. I still don't quite know how to describe it - it was like a tiredness that wouldn't go away, a lack of energy and enthusiasm for things I would normally enjoy, and a very strong loss of confidence in some of my academic work. It is difficult to say whether it was a bout of clinical depression, whether it was simply exhaustion, and hard to work out how much of it was normal and how much was something to be concerned about. There had been a few things that led up to it - having not taken enough leave, feeling life is in a bit of a limbo whilst awaiting the finalisation of our daughter's adoption (the main challenge is that we cannot currently leave the country as a family, and so my husband and I have had to make quite frequent trips alone), and then there were some interesting interpersonal challenges in the workplace. Whatever it was, it was unsettling and frightening and made me take a good long look at my life, consider different aspects of my personality and to reflect on what changes might be necessary to either prevent it getting worse, or to try and prevent it happening again. I am starting to feel a lot more like my usual self, the workplace issues are improving (and a couple of people have remarked that the situation had seemed 'impossible' - I can see God's hand in the changes that have come about!), I am less emotional and more rational about things. But I still feel a vulnerability that is hard to really explain. I am thankful for this time, as with all trials, God has shown many truths to me.<br />
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Here are some things I learned:<br />
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1. <b>Just how common this type of thing is. </b>I think the devil uses this as a ploy to make us feel alone and isolated, because as soon as I started deliberately trying to be more honest about how I was feeling, it was amazing how many other people told me of times in their lives when they had faced something similar. I think it is easy to only see other people's successes, and this is probably magnified in the social media era - it can seem that everybody else is having a really productive, abundant, joyful life, and that you are the only one who feels ground down and discouraged.<br />
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I was reminded again of how God places us in communities, and creates us with a need for interpersonal relationships and fellowship. It can be difficult to open up and be more vulnerable. I find it particularly difficult because at an earlier time in life when I tried to be open about some traumatic events from my earlier life, I was told that I was making things up and seeking to be manipulative, when this was far from the truth. I learnt that one must take a bit of care with whom one shares the deeper struggles - and the book of Proverbs has plenty to say about choosing friends wisely, and taking care from whom one might seek counsel. But this time, I felt encouraged that I have good friends who have walked similar dark paths, and with whom I can be more honest.<br />
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2. <b>The need for vulnerability. </b>I love 2 Corinthians 4:7 which reminds us that <b>'we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us'. </b>A friend told me of a Japanese art form called <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kintsugi">kintsugi</a>: taking broken pottery and making the cracks part of the design and beauty, something which speaks a lot of how God can use our brokenness. Many people give testimony to how the gospel is more clearly spoken through times of pain and trial, and how seeing a Christian clinging onto their faith and seeking to navigate turbulent waters in a godly way can be a more powerful testimony than a Christian who is bursting with joy and enthusiasm. It can be uncomfortable, it is certainly humbling, but God can use times of darkness to how His light. I have noticed that an element of vulnerability can be helpful in leading teams - to be willing to immediately admit errors and put in place corrective action, to learn from mistakes and keep moving forward, perhaps also to be more aware of the emotions of my team members.<br />
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3. <b>The need for spiritual self-examination.</b> Life can get busy, and days can feel like an endless cycle of routine tasks; sometimes even the spiritual disciplines can also feel like 'just another task', rather than relishing in the most wonderful of all relationships. I love the Psalms when I am finding life tough. An example would be Psalm 19, '<b>But who can discern his errors? Forgive my hidden faults. Keep your servant also from willful sins; let them not rule over me.'</b> or Psalm 139, <b>'Search me, O God, and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offence in my way and lead me in your everlasting ways'. </b>Both of these are prayers for God to search our hearts and reveal to us ways in which we are not honouring Him. For me, recently I had to consider what the root causes of my anxiety were. I found that some of it was rooted in pride - the fear of failure or public disgrace of some kind, the concern about what others might think of me, generally taking too much of it onto myself rather than trusting that the God who has always provided me with the necessary grace and strength would continue to provide in changing situations.<br />
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4. <b>The need for self-awareness -</b> sometimes I would expect other people to tell me to slow down, to take a break, to acknowledge the workload and so forth. However, everybody is busy and people cannot read minds. I have learnt that in the workplace it helps to be positive and enthusiastic in order to motivate the team, and to persuade others of the value of the work (that is important when it comes to getting new grants and being able to disseminate the work in scientific conferences and journals). I also find that positivity can be self-perpetuating. However, I need to be aware of times when I also need to rest. I recently wrote a little about p<a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2018/01/god-given-strengths-personality-and.html">ersonality types, and how I have found it helpful to consider</a> the best ways I can recharge. I feel this has given me the confidence to make deliberate choices - for example to structure my workload in ways that enable me to use my strengths best, and not get too drained (for example, if there are several days with multiple face to face meetings, I can then do with a day where I spend longer writing).<br />
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5. <b>Need to schedule rest, rather than waiting until exhausted. </b>This overlaps with the previous point, but I realised it had been over a year since we had scheduled any time off. Instead I had taken the odd day here and there, often in response to being exhausted rather than as a pro-active positive choice. Whilst I have the enormous blessing of a flexible working pattern and quite a lot of control over where and when I work, this can also bring the drawback of feeling the need to work almost continuously or at least working within every possible time-slot, rarely taking time off to recharge. Last year I noticed how drained I felt after large grant applications, and decided to take time off after those. It has been good to travel with my husband when he goes to work in a beautiful, peaceful and slightly cooler region several hours from here. By leaving town for a few days, this also gives a break from several of the other activities which I love and which I feel are important, but which I find very tiring (like hosting Christian meetings whilst juggling four young children - it is harder when my husband is away!) It sounds a simple change, but it has made a big difference.<br />
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I think that will do for now - but these are five things I have learnt or been reminded of through a recent time of trial. I hope that this post brings some encouragement to you, in whatever situation you currently find yourself.</div>
Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-12854355058435923662018-01-20T15:36:00.000-08:002018-01-20T16:01:41.014-08:00God-given strengths, personality and leadership styles<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Once again, I am blogging from an airport departure lounge. Ahead of me lies a week of setting up a new project, working on three existing projects and meeting some existing and new collaborators to brainstorm about ideas and future proposals. This is the kind of work that I've been involved with for some time, but one difference is that I am taking the lead on the newest project. Whilst this is an exciting step, and could be seen as a logical career progression, it has made me somewhat nervous. I've found myself more anxious about aspects of the work than usual, and being plagued by doubts that 'I can't do this!' Recently I came across the concept of <a href="http://www.sciencemag.org/careers/2008/02/no-youre-not-impostor">'imposter syndrome'</a> - and that is exactly how I have been feeling.<br />
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Whilst recognising that there are certain personality traits that might predispose me to feel like an 'imposter', even more helpful has been consideration of personality types and leadership styles. I did a leadership course quite a number of years ago, which was where I first came across the concept; however, at that time, we were not really given much information as to what that might mean in terms of channelling our strengths and working on our weaker areas. More recently, I had the opportunity to attend a leadership course which was quite different - attendees were all in leadership roles and had diverse experiences to draw from, and this made the discussion rich. I have also been blessed with a friend who regularly teaches on these topics and has a strong biblical perspective on life too.<br />
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If you haven't come across the 16 personality types, <a href="https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test">you can take this quiz</a> and read some of the related articles. I'll explain some of the things I have found most helpful:<br />
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1. That different personality types are valid, indeed God-given. For a very long time, I felt that to be a 'leader' I would need to have an overhaul of my natural personality. I would look at other people, and see the qualities which I desired (confidence, strength, an ability to have people follow you, an ability to maintain a very high standard of discipline among team members) and feel that I 'didn't have what it takes'. However, when I open my eyes and look around, I see that there are many other equally useful styles (<a href="https://www.16personalities.com/personality-types">summarised to an extent here</a>). Reading the Bible, there are many different styles of leadership - each with its strengths and its weaknesses. Previously I would try and force myself to act in a way which did not feel natural, and this was stressful. I have come to understand that a lot of leadership is understanding ourselves, and building on those strengths whilst being honest about the weaker areas and seeking to develop those. For me, this has been very liberating. (And if you are interested, this is roughly what I come out as): <a href="https://www.16personalities.com/infj-personality">An Advocate, or INFJ</a>, with some turbulence)<br />
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2. That different approaches are required in different situations. In our church small-group, we've been considering what love is. I have found it interesting to reflect on how we can stereotype 'love', but when you look at how Jesus responded to different individuals, He was always motivated by love, but expressed it very differently according to the situation. For example, He was very direct with the Pharisees, challenging them and describing them in quite harsh terms (such as 'whitewashed tombs'). He responded very gently to the woman caught in adultery as he reminded those around her that none of us is free from sin. He challenged the rich young ruler by asking him questions in return. He was gentle and accepting of the children who came to Him. Perhaps this doesn't apply directly to leadership, but it reminds me that there is often not just one approach or style when it comes to our relationship with others. Some may come more naturally, but others should be used in some situations. My example in leadership is that I find it much easier to be gentle and draw alongside my team members, trying to understand where they are coming from and motivate them towards the goal. However, there are times, particularly when it comes to the high standards of quality required in the projects, when I have to be stricter and point out that things need to improve. Other people I work with find the former more difficult and are excellent at the latter.<br />
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3. In terms of personality types, I found it helpful to recognise that although I work in teams, as both a leader and a member, and do a fair bit of public speaking, I am much more introverted. I think I had previously thought of an 'introvert' as a socially awkward person who would blame their personality for not making any effort socially. However it isn't that (and if you are an introvert reading this, you might be laughing at me for having to say this). It is much more to do with what you find energising and refreshing. I love to be around people, but I find it exhausting. I'd not really understood why this was before. It also helped me to understand that going for a long run in the mornings when I am travelling for work is not just a luxury, but something quite important for me to be able to perform at my best. It has made me understand a little bit of why I've been feeling quite tired and burnt out lately - that I have struggled to get time to recharge. I do not wish to use it as an excuse, but rather to understand how to function best.<br />
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4. I have previously heard Christians dismiss things like leadership training as 'psychobabble' or being worldly wisdom and not something we should pay attention to. However, I would disagree - I am seeing it as an ability to understand how God made people, in all their beauty and diversity. I see it as a tool - not to be held rigidly, but to be useful in helping us understand ourselves and others, and being able to give grace to ourselves and others.<br />
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5. Appreciating that leadership and personal development is as important an aspect of the work as the scientific disciplines - the more I read and learn, the more some of the situations I have encountered in the past start to make sense. In almost every conflict or relationship breakdown, I can see different personality styles at play, and start to see that there could perhaps have been a better outcome if there had been greater understanding of these factors. More personally, I see it as very important to my own emotional health, to take time to reflect on this.<br />
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So, what am I going to do differently? A recent, and not fully resolved episode of exhaustion (possibly something like 'burnout', possibly a bout of depression) has made me appreciate the need to put into place some definite changes, and reflection on my God-given personality and changing roles with increasing leadership responsibilities has helped me recognise what some of these need to be. Here are some examples for now:<br />
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1. Firstly, finding somebody who I can trust to mentor me in this process - I am very thankful for that. Also, with two colleagues who also attended the leadership course, we are setting up a small leadership group where we will meet regularly to discuss challenges and developments.<br />
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2. Blocking regular time off in the diary. Because my current job does not require my husband or I to book leave significantly in advance, it has been easy just not to take the leave. Something always crops up, a meeting, an emergency, a situation, a deadline. However, we need time away - and so have put some days into the diary.<br />
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3. Setting aside an hour a week for personal/leadership development - to read and reflect on this topic<br />
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4. Making sure I get enough exercise - when I work from the clinic, I walk 45 minutes each way which is a wonderful time for rest and reflection, but on the days when I work from home, I miss that very much. Realising that enables me to try and get out for a run on those days too.<br />
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5. Being honest about the challenges - and the things I am learning. It is so easy to feel you are alone when things are tough, but I am increasingly recognising that a lot of how I have been feeling lately is more common.</div>
Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-48893098370916749872017-12-19T09:53:00.000-08:002017-12-19T09:53:22.237-08:00Creating a Christ-Centred Christmas<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I am sure I have mentioned before how much I love advent. For me, there is something so special in taking time to really reflect on what the birth of Christ meant, both for the whole world but also for me as an individual. Since having children, I have loved being able to create family traditions and memories, and to open our home to those who may not have known these things before.<br />
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But somehow this year I feel unsettled. I think part of it is simply that we are getting to the end of a busy year, and there have been plenty of targets and deadlines to aim for, and not much opportunity for rest. But some of it is also this funny feeling I get from time to time - a kind of longing for 'home', but realising that the 'home' I long for is not to be found in this world. Occasionally I can think that I am missing the country of my birth, missing the crisp cold mornings and evenings by the fire drinking mulled wine with good friends (probably the best Christmas memories I have!). But even if I were to get on a plane and do exactly that, I know that it would likely fall short of the longing I describe. It is something I have written about quite a few times before (for example <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2017/01/our-heavenly-home.html">here</a>, when I felt a lot like I do today, <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2015/05/where-is-our-true-home.html">here</a> when reflecting on leaving one 'home' for another; <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2016/08/hope-in-eternity.html">here</a>, when reflecting on how grief and loss can make this world feel somehow unreal).<br />
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As always, I am thankful for times when I feel unrest, because it always drives me consider what God is teaching me. I often pray, as in Psalm 139, that He would <b>'search me, O God, and know my heart, test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offence in my way, and lead me in the way everlasting' </b>- am I uneasy because of a lack of faith, or because I am walking in a way that is displeasing to God? These are questions we should all ask ourselves regularly! I have recently been reflecting on how Christians these days (in general, and I know there are likely many exceptions...) don't treat holiness and purity with the same seriousness as Christians of a bygone era. For example, reading the <a href="https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/the-resolutions-of-jonathan-edwards">70 resolutions of Jonathan Edwards</a>, I am very challenged. I remember thinking quite a <a href="https://homeeducationnovice.blogspot.ug/2014/06/holiness-what-we-teach-our-children.html">lot about this when the children were younger</a>, considering how we teach them that God requires us to 'be holy for I am holy', without that slipping into legalistic lists and rules.<br />
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I digress a little. But I am thankful that God reminds me to search my heart and bring everything to Him.<br />
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I am also reminded of the <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2016/10/what-is-family.html">amazing family that I have been given in God</a>. I remember one day my son, who was six at the time, drawing a picture of a castle with 19 flags on top (and the flags were all very accurately drawn, for the 19 countries where he had friends). I remember explaining to him that this was a great blessing, to have so many people from different tribes, tongues, nations, colours and cultures having a role in his life. (The flipside being that we have so many friends that we do not see often, and indeed may never see again before heaven, and that can bring sadness). There was once a time when I really did not feel I had a family, living with strangers at the age of 15. I can only feel overwhelming thankfulness for all God has provided for me and my growing family. I can thank God that He can turn a situation around entirely, mourning into dancing, doing more than I would ever have believed possible.<br />
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But even in that thanksgiving, even in the certainty of faith, there can still be a sense of loss. As every year goes past, somebody I know goes through a time of real testing. Serious illnesses and death. Out of the blue accidents leading to death or disability. A sudden change in circumstances and a person can feel as though the carpet has been pulled out from under their feet and life will never be the same again. These things are simply sad. I think about how Jesus responded when He heard that His friend Lazarus had died (see <b>John Chapter 11</b> for the full story). Jesus knew He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead and that God would be greatly glorified. Yet, when He heard the news, 'Jesus wept'. Why? Why would He do that when He knew that the death was temporary and served a far greater purpose? Because Jesus was also fully man, and because grief and loss are painful. He was not just crying out of empathy for Martha and Mary, but out of a sense of personal loss too. I find it helpful to remember that - that sorrow and faith are not opposites. Again, this is something I write about reasonably often, but perhaps as another year ends and we enter a time of 'celebrations', I feel more aware of those around me who have known loss.<br />
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<a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2017/10/9-reasons-i-remain-thankful-through-pain.html">This too is good</a>. We need to remember how broken and lost we are to really appreciate why Christ had to come. I sometimes wonder, if life were 'comfortable', and if I were part of a large, 'close' family who made me feel very loved, whether I would take my eyes off the things that matter most of all. The Apostle Paul talked about his <b>'thorn in the flesh'</b> for which he was thankful because it made him realise that <b>'Christ's power is made perfect in weakness'</b>. For me, the feeling of unease can be a bit like a thorn - something which I wish wasn't there, but actually when I think about it for more than a few minutes, for which I am thankful.<br />
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So, as advent continues, and the children work on their Jesse tree tasks and practice their carols, as we bake (whenever there is sufficient electricity) and prepare to open our home to many friends over the next week, I pray that I can help everybody who visits to leave feeling encouraged in Christ. I pray that even when the home is busy, that I can hear the person who needs to talk, or the person who finds celebrating difficult this year because they miss somebody so much. I pray I can challenge the person who has become to comfortable in this world, and the ones who are chasing after worldly dreams. I pray that from my own weakness, I can be like <b>'treasure in jars of clay' (2 Corinthians 4:7) </b>and show others the light and glory of the God we are celebrating.<br />
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Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-46919999201061968972017-11-25T02:15:00.000-08:002017-12-03T19:40:53.816-08:00Preparing for Advent<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The year has absolutely flown by, and once more we are approaching Advent. I love Advent. I love taking the time to reflect on just how amazing Christ's incarnation was. I find having a very intentional approach to be a powerful antidote to all the distractions that different cultures may offer at this time of year. And I love watching how my childrens' understanding of what God planned since the beginning unfolded increases year on year.<br />
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This will be our fourth year of using a Jesse tree project - I've written about our experiences <a href="https://homeeducationnovice.blogspot.ug/2014/12/jesse-tree.html">here</a>, <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2015/12/celebrating-christ-at-christmas.html">here</a> and <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2016/12/advent-activities-and-traditions.html">here</a>. Each year, we add something. Last year, I wanted to add something that helped the boys focus on godly character, and chose the area of kindness. I have seen a few websites which list 'kindness tasks' to help a child take the focus of themselves during advent, but many of the tasks were not possible or applicable to us living in East Africa. So, I amended the list to suit our needs. I put one of these tasks into each of the Jesse tree envelopes and then gave a week of 'grace' for the task to be completed (it seemed a little contrived to insist that it was completed that same day - I wanted to encourage thoughtfulness). We had a checklist where each boy had a column and we could tick off when the task was achieved. Here is our list in case you would like to try something similar.<br />
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Write a letter<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Offer to help with something when it is not your
turn<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Say something encouraging to one of your
siblings<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->4.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Read a story to one (or more) of your siblings<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->5.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Make a card for somebody<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->6.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Bake somebody a cake<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->7.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Help one of your brothers tidy his box<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->8.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Make a thank-you card for Irene (sports) or Sara
(choir)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->9.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Find a toy you no longer use to give to somebody<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->10.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Help tidy the garden<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->11.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Set the table without being asked<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->12.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Draw a picture for somebody back home<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->13.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Tell somebody how much you love them<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->14.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Write a note for one of your brothers, saying
kind things<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->15.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Teach somebody something<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->16.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Help to cook dinner<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->17.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Invite some friends round to sing carols<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->18.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Skype somebody you have not spoken to for a
while<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->19.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Ask somebody how they are<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->20.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Ask how you can help<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->21.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Tidy the bookshelves in the play corner<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->22.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Bake something using a recipe you have not made
before<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->23.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Share something with somebody<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->24.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Let one of your brothers have first choice<o:p></o:p></div>
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This year, I also want to focus on character, and will include the kindness tasks. Other visual things we have done at times are 'fruit of the Spirit' trees - a large picture of a tree with nine branches, each representing the fruit of the Spirit. Each child is given a colour, and when they have displayed one of the fruit, they are allowed to draw their fruit on the right branch. It is a useful way of getting the children to reflect on their actions and consequences.</div>
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I am also quite challenged by the verse, <b>'Let us consider how we may spur one another on towards love and good deeds'</b> - the children do not always consider others, and how they can be encouraging. So I may try and think of some tasks that encompass this area.</div>
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I hope to have a little time over the weekend to plan more. I wonder what your plans for Advent are, and what activities you incorporate to build family traditions and have a household that focusses fully on Christ at Christmas?</div>
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Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-91691673533684307782017-11-05T08:01:00.000-08:002017-11-05T08:01:22.697-08:005 things to be thankful for<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It has been another busy month in our household. Both parents have been travelling back-to-back for work, and time together has been limited. But the children seem well adjusted to this - they know that there are special things they will do (and eat!) when Mum is away, and different things they will do (and eat) when Dad is away. They also know that we are likely to bring back surprises from our travels, most of which are edible. They love to hear stories of where we have travelled to, and to see photos and read about the history of the place. For example, I was recently in Italy, and they had been studying the Renaissance over the past few weeks, so they were particularly interested in what I was able to see. (Truth be told, my main time for sightseeing is usually when I go jogging before dawn with a digital camera in my pocket, but this does often produce dramatic photos of beautiful buildings lit up against the darkness).<br />
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It is always good to stop and reflect and give thanks, and I find this particularly the case when life is busy. Sometimes it can be too easy to lament the challenges and complain about the consequences of choices we have made, and to neglect to see the abundant blessings that are present in every day. So here are five things I am thankful for:<br />
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1. As described above - I am thankful that our family structure enables both parents to work flexibly, and that we are able to share many of the experiences with the children.<br />
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2. Because our time together has been limited, we decided to head to a rainforest for three days, bringing with us no digital devices. We hiked through the forest and enjoyed an amazing array of wildlife - birds, butterflies, insects, plants, fungi. The children astonished us by the things they spotted, and their ability to recognise particular species and confidently explain why they knew it was one rather than another. We all learnt something, but even more importantly, we enjoyed being together and considering the vastness of God's amazing creation. When you are busy working, it is easy to become very focused on a specific task or project - and rightly so. But it is so restful to remember that there is so much more! This really helps us to regain perspective with regard to what matters most. In the evenings, we sat round a bonfire and told stories and sang songs. It was refreshingly simple, and both children and parents came back refreshed (there are other holidays which are fun, but where I have returned feeling more tired than before).<br />
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3. Their love for learning. When we started to home educate, one of the driving reasons was to preserve their natural curiosity and desire to find out more about the world around them. We had seen too many bright and inquisitive children enter mainstream school and within a year or two to seem dull and frustrated by the educational process. At first, our 'education' was very practical, and we spent most of each day out and about. Now that the children are a little older, we also cover the necessary building blocks of language arts (spelling, grammar, handwriting, creative expression) and mathematics as well as the more interest-driven areas of history, geography, world cultures, science, art, music, cooking and so forth. We tend to spend about three hours each morning working on these, and there have been days when one or other child has complained about the need to concentrate and work hard on an area which doesn't automatically come naturally. As parent/teachers, we have felt the tension between letting the child do things 'in their own time' and to abandon the tricky subject and come back another day, against teaching them the value of good hard work (actually, either approach might be right, depending on the exact situation). But over the past week I have been encouraged again by just how much they are learning and developing, and by how much they have absorbed through reading around their areas of interest or simply exploring and experimenting.<br />
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4. Just how much they are all growing and developing. We felt quite happy for the boys (aged 8, 7 and 5) to set, light and tend the bonfire (with supervision). It seems like yesterday that we felt we could not turn our backs for a moment without risk of some disaster or other, but suddenly we seem to have some sensible and responsible boys. The five year old has regularly been asking to help with tasks around the house, and has actually been helpful (as compared to the toddler who tries to help and ends up creating twice as much work). Meanwhile the two year old is communicating well, is potty trained and can walk many miles carrying her own water bottle. Whilst celebrating these things, I also feel a kind of wistful awareness that the 'days are long but the years are short'. When I see a parent with a baby in the airport, I remember those days, but realise they are past. I am thankful that we have chosen to spend so much time with our children and to be able to enjoy their childhoods.<br />
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5. For technology. This might sound a random point, but often I reflect on how I am able to run projects in several different countries whilst working part-time with the young children largely because I can do so much work by email or teleconference. I feel it is a job that simply would not have been possible ten or fifteen years ago, and I am thankful for the advances that have changed the way we are able to live and work.<br />
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So, five things to be thankful for! As I write, I am sitting at an airport preparing to travel between Africa and Europe again. Often when I travel I feel challenged by the contrasts that I see in life all around me - so many different situations and circumstances, so many hopes and dreams, trials and frustrations - and at the same time, I am reminded of how alike we all are, irrespective of our backgrounds. I am also thankful for that perspective - that every challenge brings an opportunity, that times of suffering and pain can lead to greater joy, and that even as I feel sad to be apart from my family for another few days, it makes me realise just how precious the times together are.</div>
Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-69612472647441091672017-10-06T09:35:00.000-07:002017-10-08T04:07:27.559-07:009 reasons I remain thankful through pain<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b>Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17</b></div>
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What do you think of when I use the word 'gift'? Most likely, you think of times of celebration, Christmas and birthdays, of beautifully wrapped packages containing lovely items that bring real joy to the recipient. In the Bible, the word 'gift' is used in this way, particularly through the Old Testament. Moving into the New Testament, the emphasis becomes more on spiritual gifts - of the gift of the Holy Spirit and of salvation itself as being a gift. In that sense, many of the good things God gives us relate to our spiritual rather than material prosperity and growth.<br />
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So, could pain and adversity be a gift? Could this be something we give thanks for?<br />
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The Psalmist wrote, <b>'It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees' Psalm 119:71</b> (NIV). Other translations of this include, <b>'Suffering was good for me; I learned your laws'</b> (ERV), <b>'It was for my good that I was humbled; so that I would learn your statutes'</b> (ISV), <b>'The punishment you gave me was the best thing that could have happened to me, for it taight me to pay attention to your laws. They are more valuable to me than millions in silver and gold'</b> (TLB - I know we need to take care with this one, since it is a paraphrase, but I think it captures the meaning well).<br />
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Such trials and hardships, whether external to us, relating from our circumstances, or internal physical or mental pain, can help us to have real perspective and see those things that matter most. This has been something I have thought over considerably lately. As it approaches ten years since my firstborn daughter died, I have been reflecting on the aspects of our faith that can help a believer be prepared to stand firm in trial (<a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2017/08/gods-sovereignty-and-goodness-comfort.html">here</a>, <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2017/08/understanding-attributes-of-god-in-face.html">here</a> and <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2017/09/standing-firm-in-trial-appreciating.html">here</a>). I have had a couple of weeks of extreme <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2017/09/give-thanks-in-all-circumstances.html">physical pain</a> due to a chronic medical condition that flares up from time to time. And some days, I have just felt sadness - sadness at the state of the world, locally of the hardship I see in some communities around me, and loneliness resulting from living and working cross-culturally and often feeling misunderstood. In all these things, I have been greatly encouraged in my faith, and have come to realise that these are part of the 'life in all abundance' that Jesus promised.<br />
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Let me explain a little more:<br />
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1. Pain is a reminder that this world is fallen and broken. When life is comfortable and easy, I can forget that every day, people who do not know Christ are heading to a lost eternity. Pain reminds me of this reality - that the harshness of life can serve a purpose.<br />
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2. Pain reminds me to stop and reflect on all the things that are not painful, and to count my many blessings. For me, it is often a sharp rebuke to self-pity, reminding me that God has provided so many blessings, and that this pain is only a small part of the picture.<br />
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3. Pain is humbling. Sometimes you have to ask for help physically. Sometimes it is necessary to be more vulnerable emotionally. Spiritually, one can only cry out with 'groans that words cannot express' (Romans 8). It is a rebuke to the 'I am strong and can do it all' mindset that can become proud in having a 'can do' approach to problems. I think this was what the Apostle Paul learnt: <b>'Therefore in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleased for the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.'</b> 2 Cor 12:6-9<br />
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4. Pain brings empathy. 2 Corinthians starts with a reminder to believers in a suffering community that they can <b>'comfort others with the comfort which they themselves have received from Christ'. </b>Understanding some aspects of pain equips a person to draw alongside another and to <b>'weep with those who weep'</b>. The circumstances and specifics will differ, but the turmoil and confusion, sadness and sorrow, fear and doubt may be similar.<br />
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5. Pain helps me understand others. This may relate to the point above, but I am aware of how different people respond to pain. Some speak very freely of it, in real life and on social media and seem able to communicate their distress and need. Others deal with it more internally, giving little outward sign of distress. I probably fall into the latter category (although I do sometimes try to communicate, I often feel I am not 'heard'). This makes me aware that a smile can hide a lot, and that when I care about somebody I should seek to listen carefully, to draw alongside them and to understand. Sometimes, this involves asking specific questions which I would not have done ten years ago.<br />
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6. Pain helps counter idolatry. It can be tempting to put confidence and faith in relationships, in things, in family, in work, in status, in comfort. Pain makes me realise that any one of these could be stripped away in the blink of an eye. I feel I have had a glimpse into how these are unstable foundations for a life - whereas perhaps if life always felt smooth and comfortable, I may not have done so.<br />
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7. Pain draws me closer to Christ. I love the description of <b>'a friend that sticks closer than a brother' </b>(Proverbs 18:24). I am aware that He both knows and cares, and walks with me through these trials. I am reminded that <b>'it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for Him...' </b>Philippians 1:29. Many of the types of pain I describe may not be in direct consequence of living for Christ in this world, but they do remind us that Christ suffered immensely for our sakes, and God the Father suffered in having His only beloved Son die for our sin.<br />
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8. Pain causes me to long for eternity. Revelation 21:4 specifically tells us how there '<b>will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain'</b>'. Eternity is forever and ever. We can look forward to that with real hope.<br />
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9. Pain teaches patience. There are times when things cannot be done in the timescale that I might have wanted, or where plans have to be adjusted. This is a reminder that God knows what each of us needs to endure, and does not expect more of us than what is possible. Sometimes I may not have strength to do everything I may want to, and I need to trust that God gives me strength enough to do all that He requires of me.<br />
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I am thankful for the hope that we have in Christ, a hope that does not disappoint. I often wonder how on earth a person can make sense of trials without an eternal perspective. I am thankful that in recent situations where I have either been in physical pain, or have felt very sad, that I've known the love and comfort of my Saviour. And I hope, if you are reading this, that God brings such comfort to you also.<br />
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Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-60233032747030503692017-09-24T10:04:00.000-07:002017-09-30T23:18:52.002-07:00Standing firm in trial: Appreciating what Christ's death saved us from<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Over the past few months, I have been reflecting what particular things may help a Christian stand firm in the face of a trial. I am particularly wondering whether there is anything that we should, as parents and people who are involved in ministry, be emphasising more in order to prepare and equip young people for the day of trial. Recently, I've discussed how I believe <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2017/08/understanding-attributes-of-god-in-face.html">understanding just who God is - His attributes</a>, and perhaps particularly His s<a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2017/08/gods-sovereignty-and-goodness-comfort.html">overeignty and goodness</a>, underpin our perspective.<br />
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I think also, we need to know clearly what it is a Christian has been saved from. In John 10:10, Jesus says <b>'I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full'</b>. Other translations talk about life in all it's 'abundance'. In fact, this is why I chose the name 'An Abundant Adventure' for this blog. But I think we have to take care when we consider what abundance means. I have heard people suggest that it means physical and material prosperity in the here and now, a life of pleasure and of ease. That would be inconsistent with what Jesus said a few chapters later in John 16:33:<b> 'In this world you will have trouble.' </b>Or the writings of Paul (Romans 5:3-4) who describes how <b>'we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope'</b>, James (James 1:2-3) who tells us to '<b>Consider it pure joy my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything'</b>, or Peter (1 Peter 1:6-7), who reminds the believers that in their hope in Christ <b>'you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed'</b>.<br />
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So - the aim of salvation is clearly not to provide a life of comfort, ease and material prosperity!<br />
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I often consider how previous generations (perhaps read some writings from the Puritan era, or some missionary biographies from years past) and certain parts of the world today know many more physical trials - sickness, high maternal and infant death rates, poor infrastructure, poverty, corruption, conflict - and yet from among these circumstances, there will be Christians with faith that shines as brightly as a beacon, overflowing with heartfelt thankfulness to God for His goodness, and living with joy that is almost impossible to understand when one looks at the circumstances. How can that be? What is it that these people have grasped?<br />
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That without Christ, we are all destined to eternal death. Without Christ, all the problems in this world make no sense, will only get worse, and will be even worse when a lost eternity is faced. It does not seem 'popular' in churches today to speak of judgement, of hell, of a lake of fire, of eternal damnation, of separation from God with no hope of return. In a day where it seems any philosophy or value system is acceptable other than a belief in the God of the Bible and absolute truth, it sounds too harsh to discuss such realities. But that is what they are. Realities.<br />
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The darkness and all-pervading nature of sin is such that even the physical world was affected by this. I don't fully understand, but the Apostle Paul writes in Romans 8 of how, <b>'the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies'. (Romans 8:22-23)</b>. Nobody escapes the darkness of sin: <b>'There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is non one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one'. Romans 3:10-12</b>. Today, people would argue that there are 'good people' who are 'not religious'. But this fails to appreciate what sin actually is. <b>'Everything that does not come from faith is sin' Romans 14:23</b>. Living without submission to God is sin.<br />
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I think many people today do not appreciate how dark sin really is. Again, returning to writings from a bygone age, I am always struck how the most godly, sacrificial people were overwhelmed by the darkness of their own hearts. As they got closer to God, their sin seemed all the more abhorrent. It's not something I hear many Christians speak of today. I remember when I first heard the gospel, how aware I was that <b>'He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins' Colossians 1:13-14</b>. It is as black and white as that. From death to life. From darkness to light. No ambiguity, no half-ways, no grey areas. Through Christ's sacrificial death for us, we are free, and there was no other way that freedom could have been attained. Christianity is not an 'add on' which enhances the quality of our life in this current world. It is an appreciation that without Christ's death for us, we were headed to a lost eternity, without any hope that we could somehow claw our way back or give a justification for ourselves.<br />
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Appreciating this, we can start to understand how the Apostle Paul could assert, '<b>For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain' Philippians 1:21</b>. Our life here is not about comfort and freedom from trials, but about living for Christ. Indeed, just a few verses later, the Philippians were reminded, <b>'it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for Him, since you are going through the same struggle you saw I had, and now hear that I still have' Philippians 1:29-30</b>. Christians often spend time wondering what God's plan for their lives might be - but don't often like to consider the truth, that we are often called to a life of suffering in order that we can fully display His glory to the suffering world around us.<br />
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When I consider my sin, and the amazing truth that God sent His only, beloved Son into the world to willingly die in my place - when I stop and really think of that, then suddenly things fall into perspective. I am promised an eternity in heaven, where there will certainly be no more sickness, sadness, tears or pain. That is made clear through the Bible. In the meantime, the trials that we face help us to see the eternal perspective and help us to realise what the biggest issue of all really is: A life lived without God, and the need for repentance and salvation.<br />
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As I understand this, the question turns on its head, and becomes much less about 'why a good God would allow suffering', but much more about 'how can God use this pain for His glory'.<br />
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I am aware that I have not fully explored this issue, and that there are others who could do so much better than I. My writing here is more personal - as it approaches ten years since my daughter's death, and as I reflect on all the ups and downs of the past decade, I am spending time reflecting on what doctrines have been most essential in enabling my husband and I to not just stand, but to grow in God's grace during times of trial. And it is my prayer that some of these writings bring encouragement to others.<br />
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Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-63958475042005757742017-09-03T20:25:00.000-07:002017-09-03T20:25:42.799-07:00Give thanks in all circumstances<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b>'Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus' 1 Thess 5:18</b></div>
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This weekend, I had planned to spend more time reflecting on the aspects of our faith which can most help a believer stand firm in the face of trial. Instead, I've had crippling pain in my neck and arm, and have only been able to function by taking four classes of analgesia. However, this has given me cause to reflect, and to be thankful:</div>
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1. I am thankful I am not in this amount of pain all the time! I have a genetic condition which means that from time to time I do get severe pain from my joints, but much of the time I am able to function perfectly well. On the days when I feel incapacitated, it is a reminder of what I am spared, much of the time.</div>
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2. I am thankful that God gives sufficient strength to function. I had important work meetings this week, and yesterday was a seven hour thanksgiving service at church. I was able to give as much to these as I was able (and most likely, very few people would have noticed anything amiss). </div>
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3. I am thankful for medicines. I usually carry a selection with me, so that if I have an injury or a flare up, I can treat the symptoms rapidly. I have been considering how disabling this condition would be without these medicines</div>
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4. I am thankful that it gives me a greater understanding of what people with 'hidden disabilities' must endure. I am better able to 'rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn'. It makes me aware that other people might be facing unseen challenges</div>
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5. I am thankful that the Lord knows all things. Sickness, including genetic conditions like mine, is ultimately a consequence of the fallen world we live in. God knows the challenges we face every day - be it physical limitations, pain, mental health challenges, every bit as much as He is aware of our external circumstances. We can draw close to Him in our times of trial, and for that I am most thankful.</div>
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6. I am thankful that this teaches me humility - when life and work are going well, there can be a temptation to become confident in ourselves. Setbacks like this remind me that we are frail humans, dependent on God's gracious provision every day.</div>
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7. I am thankful for the reminder that God's timing is perfect. Sometimes we wonder why things happen when they do - why does a challenge or an illness come at what seems to be a most inconvenient time? It's a reminder to trust that God knows about this, and can work in and through it. In fact, I was meant to travel this weekend and the trip was postponed; whilst initially disappointed, I have been very thankful that I have no travel and a relatively empty diary this week.</div>
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So, as the week starts, I am in pain and feel a bit daunted. My husband has just travelled for a few days so I'm alone with the children. I can't easily rest the way I would like, and I can't take the stronger painkillers as they make me a little drowsy. But I do know from previous experience, that God will give me strength and grace enough to get through the day, and that He will surprise me with joy and encouragement along the way.</div>
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I wonder what challenges you face this week? Do some situations feel impossible? Let me encourage you to trust God, who knows all about it - even more about it than you do. Look back over God's faithfulness and provision to you, and trust that He will continue to provide all you need.</div>
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Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-27664137185115023792017-08-26T20:41:00.002-07:002017-08-26T20:41:55.312-07:00Understanding the Attributes of God (in the face of trial)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Lately I have been considering what enables one person to stand firm in the face of trial, whereas another person may be utterly crushed. Is it just a random thing? Is it to do with genetic predisposition? Does it relate to how much support a person is given during the trial, and how strong their social networks are? Is it so arbitrary that there is nothing that we can do to prepare ourselves for such an eventuality in our own lives?<br />
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As I reflect, I am increasingly convinced that there are some doctrines which are fundamental to our faith in Christ which enable us to see our trials in true perspective. Lately, I wrote about how I believe a <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2017/08/gods-sovereignty-and-goodness-comfort.html">correct view of God's sovereignty, coupled with His perfect goodness</a>, helps us to truly understand that trials will come, but are not mistakes made by a weak or uncaring god, and neither are they deliberate acts of cruelty by a capricious sovereign being. I believe that having a worldview that deeply appreciates these attributes of God is incredibly important to prepare a Christian for whatever may come, for the celebrations and the trials, for the successes and the discouraging failures. And if the phrase 'attributes of God' sounds like jargon to you, let me recommend a couple of good books. <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/666758.The_Knowledge_of_the_Holy">The Knowledge of the Holy by AW Tozer</a> is a beautiful book; a copy was given to me for my 18th birthday, when I had been a Christian for just a few months. Until I was 17, I had never been to a church, Sunday school or holiday Bible club, and had been raised completely without a biblical worldview. I am thankful for friends who directed my reading (both excellent Christian books, and also to read the whole Bible systematically and prayerfully), since these things gave my faith a strong foundation. The <a href="https://www.monergism.com/thethreshold/sdg/attributes_online.html">Attributes of God by AW Pink</a> is another excellent summary of God's attributes, and available online via the link. An 'attribute' is basically a fundamental aspect of God's nature - what makes God God, and not human. I found that taking time to reflect on these as a young Christian instilled in me a deep understanding that <b>'My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways', declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts'. Isaiah 55:8-9</b>. I remember how helpful I found it to consider how if God is Creator, and we are created beings living in a created world, then we can only understand things in terms of other created things, perhaps in terms of metaphor or hyperbole. We will not fully understand God, since we are not God. There is a point where we must simply rejoice in who He is, and trust Him. That is but one example.<br />
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I think this is an important place to start - to spend time considering who the God of the Bible truly is. It is easy to create in our minds a false god. We may call ourselves Christians, we may regularly attend church and sing the latest gospel songs, but do we really <i>know</i> God? Sometimes, the proof of this comes when our faith passes through trial. The Apostle Peter wrote that trials<b> 'have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may result in praise, glory and honour when Christ is revealed'. 1 Peter 1:6-7</b>. To whom is your faith proven genuine? Perhaps to the cynical friends and family who think it will evaporate when challenges come, but also I believe to yourself. The Bible is clear throughout that we live in a sin-damaged and fallen world, that trials, grief and pain will mark our existence here, but that there is an eternal hope. Later, Peter writes again, <b>'dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed' 1 Peter 4:12-13.</b> We may ask many questions during trials and times of suffering, we may face periods of dark depression where nothing seems to make sense, but if our view of God is that He is not good, does not care, or is powerless to help, then I would suggest that this is not 'God' at all, and that you are yet to experience the true delight of resting in His embrace.<br />
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In our generation, even in many churches, I can see how easy it would be to build a false view of God. We live in a generation that has made many technological and scientific advances. Day to day life is often physically much easier than in generations past, leisure time (which was basically unknown by our great grandparents) is now seen as a fundamental right rather than an occasional luxury, answers are available at one quick 'click' and we can lose perspective. I am not saying that any of these advances are wrong - I believe that science is the means by which we understand more of the world that God created, and through appreciation of the amazing order and detail that exists, I am brought to a place of worship: 'I will praise You for I am fearfully and wonderfully made!' (Psalm 139). I would not work as an academic physician if I considered scientific advance contrary to worship! But my point is that we live in a rapidly changing culture where instant answers and cures are expected. And that is not the world we live in. God is not a 'genie' who responds to tend to our needs, but rather a loving heavenly Father who wishes us to relate to Him in true worship. It's a world apart.<br />
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I do not mean to say that anybody sets out to create in themselves a false view of God. But what I am saying is that it can easily be done, and that a Christian ought to prayerfully seek to know God more. I am often astonished when I read the words of the Apostle Paul, often hailed as one of the greatest Christian missionaries that ever lived: <b>'But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ - the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. <i>I want to know Christ - yes, to know the power of His resurrection and participation in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on </i>to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus' Philippians 3:7-14</b> What I find amazing here is that the Apostle Paul, who by this point had experienced a miraculous conversion, visions, divine knowledge of which he was unwilling to write fully, had founded several churches, had faced persecutions, had endured much - and yet he did not consider that he yet fully knew Christ! To me that is an important lesson - that it is not something that one does at a static point in time. There, I know God now. It's not like that - it's a relationship where we grow to know and love Him more, and given that He is infinite (again, returning to those attributes...) there is no limit to us having done this.<br />
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I will stop here, and encourage you to reflect on just who God is. And my prayer is that in this, you find perspective in your current situation. I pray that you may be overwhelmed by God's goodness and love, and His compassion and care for you right now in whatever trial you may face.<br />
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Next time, I plan to consider what God has saved us from, and what He has saved us to.</div>
Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-83808677351450669292017-08-19T09:01:00.000-07:002017-08-19T09:01:19.659-07:00God's sovereignty and goodness: Comfort in grief<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Sometimes I am acutely aware of dates and anniversaries, and at other times they creep up on me. For us, because we have lived in some very different cultures and climates, some of the usual 'triggers' are not there, and in our current location close to the equator where there seem to be so few changes in season, we often don't really appreciate what time of year it is at all. So perhaps I have been a little surprised at how aware I am that it is August, and that 10 years ago, we discovered we were expecting our first child.<br />
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I remember those days... Feeling tired, really tired, but very happy. Having a secret (we didn't tell people around us that I was expecting until it was obvious, and people in our passport country until we came home for the birth), but feeling very thankful for this gift of new life. One of the reasons we didn't tell people was because of our awareness that life is fragile. I had miscarried before, and I knew quite a number of friends who had suffered miscarriages at all stages of pregnancy (not just before that mythical 'twelve weeks' at which time many people tend to assume that they are 'safe'). I remember a quiet thankfulness and awe, and I would often reflect on Psalm 139 - how God knows about all life since even before conception, and that it is all perfectly in His hands.<br />
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Fast forward ten years... Three boys are working on electronic circuits whilst my two year old daughter sleeps. It is a peaceful Saturday where none of us have had many pressing tasks to achieve, and we've been able to sit under palm trees drinking strong black coffee, talking over the next few months and reading adventure stories aloud to the children. Shortly I'll go to church for music practice, we might go running in the cool of evening before sunset. Again, I am overwhelmed with thankfulness and all that God has given me.<br />
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It is not how I would have expected things to be. Sometimes I look back to ten years ago as to days of innocent hope, to a world that felt different. <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2016/10/what-is-family.html">Life had not always been easy up to that point</a>, and we'd had to grapple with questions about why a God of love would allow pain and suffering - yet somehow the trials that we had known until that point could clearly be related to sin (either our own or somebody else's). The illness and death of our daughter was different - excruciatingly painful, yet free from complex feelings of guilt, shame or blame.<br />
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Over the past ten years, I have interacted with many families who have grieved the loss of a loved one, including many where the person who died was a child. I've wept with them as I have sought to bring comfort from what we learnt as we also walked through those deep waters. Lately, I have been reflecting on what really helps a person through that grief. Three years ago, I reflected on what a <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2015/05/grief-7-years-later-wish-list.html">'wish list' of a bereaved parent might look like several years </a>down the line, and whilst I would say much the same things today, I have been thinking at a deeper level. What is it, deep down, that helps a person come to terms with excruciating loss and move forward with hope, joy and thankfulness?<br />
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I think much can be summarised in a single phrase: The sovereignty of God'. Or two phrases: 'The character of God' and 'the sovereignty of God'. Let me explain.<br />
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Psalm 139 verse 16 reads, <b>'All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be'.</b> Do we really believe that? Do we really believe that God would ordain some people to have many thousands of days, and others to have only one or two, or indeed no life beyond the womb? But in considering that, do we really believe that God is good? That He is love? I know some people who have walked away from the church or any desire to seek or know God because they come to consider him as a 'capricious being who throws dice'. They cannot come to terms with the fact that God knew in advance the tragedy that would befall them, and yet in His wisdom, permitted it to happen.<br />
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I think there are several reasons for this. In part, I think it can be easy whilst living in this world to lose sight of eternity. Yet throughout the Bible we are encouraged to keep our eyes on the bigger picture, on the long game. In the words of the Apostle Paul, <b>'Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal'. 2 Cor 4:16-18.</b> I find it absolutely fascinating to read what Paul described as being 'light and momentary': <b>'I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was stoned, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day on the open sea. I have been constantly on the move, I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles, in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea and in danger from false brothers. I have laboured and toiled and often gone without sleep, I have known hunger and thirst and often gone without food, I have been cold and naked'. 2 Cor 11:23-27.</b> I wonder whether many modern Christians, facing even one or two of those circumstances, would consider their trials 'light and momentary'? But Paul had his eyes fixed on the final goal, on eternity, and on God's purpose through it all, and therefore he did not lose heart. One of my favourite verses, especially when my heart feels like it is breaking, is in the description of heaven found in Revelation chapter 21: <b>'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.' Rev 21:3-4</b><br />
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But Paul didn't just have a blithe acceptance that somehow all the suffering and pain would one day be erased. He understood that God was working in and through these trials for His glory. Similarly, the Apostle Peter wrote to a church who was facing such severe persecution that many Christians had needed to flee, and so the church had been 'scattered'. He described it thus: '<b>In this you greatly rejoice though now for a little while you have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuiness of your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end of your faith, the salvation of your souls' 1 Peter 1:6-8. </b>So, trials prove our faith genuine. Does that mean that a person who struggles greatly in the face of a trial does not have faith? Not necessarily, but I do think there may be a misunderstanding of God's great purposes throughout history and through our lives. (I am fully aware I am not addressing this issue fully!)<br />
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Throughout the Bible, we are never given any assurance that knowing the amazing love, grace, forgiveness and salvation of Christ will mean our life in the here and now will be easy. Indeed, one of the last things Jesus told his disciples before his death on the cross was this: <b>'I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world' John 16:33. </b>We are warned of conflict within families, misunderstanding and potential rejection by our communities. We are told that we will be like pilgrims and strangers in the world - which may sound poetically idealistic, but in fact might often be cold, lonely and fraught with challenges.<br />
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I love to read writings of the Puritans. I've recently remarked on reading <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2017/08/robinson-crusoe-unexpected-encouragement.html">a simple novel written by a Puritan</a>, where there is a strong worldview of God's sovereignty radiating off the page. Read many biographies or commentaries written in that era, and this is an overwhelming strength of their faith. You read of families where 19 children were born but where only 8 survived to adulthood, and yet the family rejoices in God's goodness. You read of real hardship, of poverty, of illness, of the toil and grind of daily life in the pre-industrial era, and yet a real thanksgiving is apparent. More latterly, one can read of Christians like <a href="http://www.christianitytoday.com/news/2015/june/died-elisabeth-elliot-missionary-author-gates-of-splendor.html">Elisabeth Elliott</a> whose first husband <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56634.Through_Gates_of_Splendor">Jim was killed with several friends</a> by the Auca Indians to whom they were seeking to bring the gospel. In the wake of this, Elisabeth remained among that tribe and saw many come to a genuine faith. Her writings are strongly Biblical, and often filled with a real pragmatism: life may be difficult and painful, yet we need to look to what God has called us to do. And that is inspiring!<br />
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But such a strong confidence of God's goodness in the face of extreme trial seems less common today. In many parts of the world, life is much less troublesome and traumatic, and those who face trials such as the death of a child or the premature death of a spouse are seen as unusual. There is no quick or easy answer to these situations, and so loved ones, and indeed often fellow Christians may step away, lacking the confidence and assurance required to address these deep questions in a loving, but Biblical way. 'How can a God of love allow this?' is one of the deepest, most heart-felt questions a person can ask, and yet many Christians today seem ill-equipped to answer.<br />
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Many modern Christian songs focus more on us or our response rather than on God's goodness and sovereignty. Erroneous prosperity teaching does not just relate to matters of finance, but also to areas of health, wellbeing, relationships and comfort, and our current generation often has a sense of entitlement (f<a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2015/11/book-review-big-ego-trip-by-glynn.html">or more about this, read this book!</a>). And these are errors which diminish appreciation of the true power and glory of God. The gospel was never about us having an easy, long, comfortable and healthy life in this world, but is to do with the amazing freedom that arises from having our sins forgiven and being able to approach God with confidence and boldness, having that relationship restored. It is about peace in the face of trials, and an incredible everlasting hope.<br />
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My prayer is for a generation of Christians who can really get to grips with God's sovereignty without losing sight of his perfect love and goodness. For me, these are the elements that enabled us to see our daughter's life as a precious gift, and to have been a life which pointed many towards God's glory.<br />
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Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-92153420109862757122017-08-15T03:59:00.005-07:002017-08-15T10:37:06.933-07:00Robinson Crusoe: An unexpected encouragement<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I had never read <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robinson_Crusoe">Robinson Crusoe</a> until I started to read it to my sons aged 5, 7 and 8 last week. Of course I knew the basic story, about a man marooned on a deserted island for many years, and about his companion Man Friday. I'd heard re-tellings of the story, and had read The Swiss Family Robinson to the children last year, which clearly has parallels. But I had never read the original, and we have found it a treat.<br />
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I want to draw out two ways in which I have been delighted by this book.<br />
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Firstly, I must comment that I found the first few pages quite tough-going to read aloud, in terms of the literary style. The language is rich and complex, but beautiful. Initially, I was concerned that my sons might not understand it well, especially the parts where the author is describing the thoughts and reflections of the main character. However, they have rapidly adjusted to the tempo, and apart from the occasional question over a specific word, are very much learning through hearing a rich vocabulary used in context. This reminded me of some articles I recently read, describing the differences in <a href="http://www.intellectualtakeout.org/blog/second-grade-reading-textbooks-1879-vs-today">second-grade literature in 1879</a> compared with today, and comparing middle school r<a href="http://www.better-ed.org/blog/middle-school-reading-lists-100-years-ago-vs-today">eading lists from 100 years ago</a> with today. Why should an eight year old only be expected to understand very simple vocabulary and basic plots? And does that not become self-perpetuating, whereby our expectations of our children diminish? I confess I have been surprised by how much my boys are enjoying Robinson Crusoe read aloud, but I have been delighted and also have noted them using many new words correctly without having been 'taught'. As is their style, they have been acting out sections of the book in the garden, building shelters and defences, and this clearly shows their understanding (it's almost like their form of 'narration').<br />
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The second thing I was unaware of was the strong Christian message in the story*. For those who are unfamiliar with it, Robinson left home against his parents' wishes at the age of 18 to go to sea. He met with quite a number of early trials and near-disasters, and whilst grappling with his conscience, turned his back on his parents' wisdom and on any consciousness of God challenging him. However, later on, on the island, he became conscious of the blackness of his own heart, and having found a Bible amongst his possessions on the shipwreck, began to diligently study God's word and listen to His voice.<br />
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So even whilst alone on the island, the character described his situation thus:<br />
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<i>'I spent the whole day in humble and thankful acknowledgements of the many wonderful mercies which my solitary condition was attended with, and without which it might have been infinitely more miserable. I gave humble and hearty thanks that God had been pleased to discover to me that it was possible I might be more happy in this solitary condition than I should have been in the liberty of society, and in all the pleasures of the world; and He could fully make up to me the deficiencies of my solitary state, and the want of human society, by His presence and the communication of His grace to my soul; supporting, comforting and encouraging me to depend upon His providence here, and hope for His eternal presence hereafter.'</i><br />
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<i>'From this moment I began to conclude in my mind that it was possible for me to be more happy in this forsaken, solitary condition than I should ever have been in any other particular state of the world...'</i><br />
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This is rich gospel truth, and providing plenty of food for hearty discussions with my children. That it is embedded in one of the most famous novels of all time, not in a book specifically marketed as 'Christian', is an unexpected and wonderful treat.<br />
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If you are looking for adventure, rich literature, reflections on resourcefulness and creativity and a clear reflection upon God's amazing grace, this book has it all!<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">*Clearly, I had not done my 'homework' but had simply picked up a 'classic' novel. Daniel Defoe, the author, was a Puritan who wrote books on other topics, and had a very strong sense of God's sovereignty and providence. That makes a lot of sense - and I have found it refreshing to have that strong worldview come across through literature.</span></div>
Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-73455294646788991152017-08-05T11:17:00.000-07:002017-08-05T11:17:50.088-07:00Home is here<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The last few months have been tiring. Many of the reasons are predictable - busy work schedules for both of us involving a lot of travel, homeschooling the children, being involved in church and regularly hosting meetings in our home, runs of minor illnesses, and sometimes just the thing where being in a 'different' culture can make simple tasks seem a lot more tiring than one might expect.<br />
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A friend shared this <a href="http://churchleaders.com/outreach-missions/outreach-missions-articles/307132-ten-things-that-your-missionary-will-not-tell-you-joe-holman.html">article</a> about 'ten things a missionary may not tell you' - I resonated with some of this. Indeed, last year, I wrote about how I think the best ways to support your cross-cultural overseas workers is sometimes to <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2016/02/supporting-friends-overseas-5-things-i.html">simply be a friend</a> and remain in contact and keep the relationships alive. Sometimes I share these kind of links with friends in the hope that they hear me, and realise just how aching the loneliness can be at times, but somehow I find it hard to be 'heard' and that can only compound the feelings of isolation and misunderstanding.<br />
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However, today there blew a breath of fresh air. I have some colleagues from the UK who are here for a few days, one in Africa for her first time. So the children and I took them downtown - not to the particularly tourist places, but to the places where you can buy fabric cheaply, where you see men carrying huge packages on their heads (my favourite must be when they stack about twenty mattresses up high!), to where children crawl around the stalls, and where you think it must be possible to buy just about anything if you knew where to look. But the thing I found remarkable was that it didn't seem strange at all. Here we were, in a part of town where you rarely see foreigners, with four children in tow, darting in and out of traffic and dodging the head-carriers, but it just felt normal. There were one or two things (like crossing the chaotic taxi park) that I used to find absolutely terrifying and completely perplexing all in one, but somehow even that felt normal. My friends assured me that this absolutely was not normal and it was completely eye opening and crazy.<br />
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What I realised was that this is home. The children were leading the way, explaining about all kinds of things (some of the history, the different types of military vehicle on the street, the different street foods they prefer) and I saw just how at home they are here too.<br />
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Often the loneliness I feel is not a consequence of being overseas from my passport country, so much as a phase of life. My children are young and still require a lot of input and supervision. When my husband is overseas, I rise very early and stay up very late to get my academic work completed. The only evenings I don't work are when I am hosting a Christian meeting of some type, often leading a Bible study and making sure everybody is comfortable, with drinks and cake. There just isn't a whole lot of time for 'socialising'.<br />
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I remember when we left our neighbourhood in the UK, how I hadn't quite realised how settled we were and <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2015/09/transition-reflections-1-community.html">how strong some of the relationships were until it was time to leave</a>. I think I am beginning to see that here. My children love the Bible studies, especially when one of the young men comes a little early to play raucous games outside with them. Their favourite songs are in multiple different languages. They enjoy laughing (in a healthy way) at the differences between the cultures (and in return, are often laughed at too - the people here have a very robust sense of humour).<br />
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I was encouraged to simply give thanks that this is our home. This is where God has brought us, and where He has provided community, fellowship and life.<br />
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Yes, there are tiring days, lonely days, and sometimes sad days. But these are irrespective of my physical locality - and I must take care to see that as the case.<br />
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And now, I must stop blogging and return to preparing Sunday lunch for a group of friends who will join us here.</div>
Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-63039109907394271542017-07-20T04:15:00.000-07:002017-07-20T04:15:27.951-07:00Enjoying childhood<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This post is a type of reminder to myself: that the children are young for such a short time, and I will most likely look back on these days as being among the most blissful of our lives.<br />
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Lately I have been tired. I've had a run of viral illnesses, mostly minor with one a bit more serious. Through work schedules, either my husband or I are away from home for five out of six weeks (this is very unusual - more often one of us is away for about a week a month). One or two things have been frustrating me, but at the same time I recognise that I am more easily irritated when I feel tired and worn out. And there have been times when I have wished my children were a little older and more independent - particularly when I am trying to teach the three boys and each of them is clamouring for my attention at once. I find myself longing for the day when I can assign them a task, knowing they have the attention and perseverance to work through it with little adult input.<br />
<br />
But then I need to take a step back and enjoy the moment. I wrote about this <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2017/07/quiet-thankfulness.html">recently</a>. Yesterday, we enjoyed walking to basketball - a dusty hour-long walk under the midday African sun, providing many opportunities to talk through all kinds of things that we'd been reading about, or things that were on their minds. On a few occasions, we talked about attitude, and what the Bible says about speech, and what we can do about it (with God's help) and I was reminded of Deuteronomy Chapter 6 - these are they days of sitting together to eat, of walking along the road, of frequent conversations about God's goodness. These are the foundational years, when their worldview is forming and they are starting to understand that the world is not just a glorious, amazing adventure, but is also punctuated by hardship, suffering and pain. These are the moments when a childlike question could be easily brushed aside by a tired and irritable parent, but which reflects the searching of their young soul for eternal answers.<br />
<br />
Today, they have made planes out of left over pieces of cardboard, the insides of toilet rolls and various other packets and things they have been saving for such activities. It is amazing to step back and observe their development, and particularly their team work in making sure the youngest is able to create something also. As well as the creative and fine motor skills I observe, I note their kindness to one another (most of the time) and their ways of negotiating to obtain the items they want most. And again, I am reminded that these times are a great benefit of homeschooling - having time to play, to create, to explore, to design and to share.<br />
<br />
I write these things partly because I've worried lately about doing 'enough'. I gather, from reading home schooling blogs, that 'enough' is one of the temptations of a homeschooling parent! How would one define 'enough'? One of the reasons we chose homeschooling was to embrace their natural love of learning and desire to explore the world around them, and to give them time to be children and enjoy a simple childhood which contrasts with so much of the modern world around us. And yet at the same time, I am tempted to compare, to worry, to feel that we need to be achieving X, Y and Z every day or we are somehow exposing our children to risk. When I say 'enough', perhaps I don't mean in terms of what the children do, since they are making good progress in all areas, but maybe in terms of myself - I think I should be more dynamic, more creative, more full of interesting and exciting ideas for projects. But then, when I step back and give them space to play, I find that many of their games relate to the history and world cultures we have been studying. Their building (shelters, fireplaces, other things that boys build out of sticks and stones in the garden) uses some of the mathematical concepts they have been working on, and often they will then write about these things in letters home. I love our curriculum, but sometimes I need to step back from it a bit, and allow a more 'natural approach'.<br />
<br />
One way I have addressed this overlaps with the concept of <a href="http://blog.bravewriter.com/2015/02/05/stealth-attack-learning/">'stealth attacks'</a> as proposed by Julie Hogart at Brave Writer. I read ahead, see what concept or task I am meant to cover, and then find away of bringing it in without the child realising they are doing 'school'. An example might be my son who is currently on LA3 from Sonlight. He is using the <a href="https://www.sonlight.com/RL67.html">Diamond Notes</a> to learn about paragraph structure. Sometimes the assigned tasks seem a bit artificial, but if I encourage him to write a letter to a grandparent about a recent hike, or his latest pet (an insect or a lizard usually), or something he has cooked, then he can flesh out a paragraph with relative ease. The Singapore Maths home instructor guide has some nice ideas for games to help them learn their number facts, and changing venue, or using chalk to draw out on the tiles in the back yard can bring variety and an element of fun (and the questioning minds of the boys, 'What is mummy doing now??'<br />
<br />
Another thing that is helpful when feeling tired and maybe a bit overwhelmed is to consider again the core reasons for choosing home education (I wrote a <a href="https://homeeducationnovice.blogspot.ug/2012/05/normal-0-false-false-false-en-us-x-none.html">list of some of these five years ago now</a>). For many of us, these are far broader than pure academics. Sometimes we can be so busy looking at the current 'challenge' or concern, and not take time to reflect on the progress which has been made by each child, and in particular in relation to worldview and character formation. I need to stop and remember these things, particularly when we are often told by friends and relatives that, 'So and so is doing marvellously at school'. (Interestingly, I have never had a friend or relative that is not doing 'marvellously' at school....) I also need to remember that the people who are constantly posting pictures of beautiful craft and science projects on Facebook groups tend to be the exception, and that such creative activities are not essential for well-rounded learning.<br />
<br />
Today, I am choosing to 'Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, with prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving' to bring my concerns to God. (Philippians 4:6). I am choosing not to be discouraged by comparing my children to others. I am choosing to celebrate each day as a God-given opportunity. I choose to rejoice in having a curriculum which means very little lesson planning - a great blessing when I have been tired and a bit unwell. And I choose to celebrate these peaceful moments of childhood, recognising that the time will come all to soon that the children do not want to tell me every little thing, all the time.<br />
<br /></div>
Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-12826098909194882017-07-05T09:31:00.001-07:002017-07-05T09:31:14.565-07:00Quiet thankfulness<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Yesterday my children were eating lunch on a 'raft' they had built out of fallen branches from the palm trees. It was warm, but pleasant and we enjoyed the sound of birdsong and counting the different types of beautifully coloured butterfly we could see. It was one of those moments that you wish you could freeze in time and keep forever.<br />
<br />
I was overwhelmed with thankfulness for so many things. Nine years ago, we were grieving for our firstborn, and in the strange situation of being parents, but having no living children. I remember the days feeling long, feeling lonely, feeling cold. Fast forward to today, and I am surrounded by four lively children who are so full of curiosity and enthusiasm, continually learning and exploring new things. I thank God so much for these blessings; I often can barely believe I have been given such privilege and responsibility as to raise them.<br />
<br />
Lately, I have thought about grief - that it is a process, but one which has no real end. The sorrow of our daughter's death remains, along with the pain of knowing there is so much pain and wrongdoing in this world. But I wonder, having tasted that deep sorrow, whether it does not mean that moments of joy are all the greater. I remember that feeling of having lost everything. I know that I cannot take these moments and these days for granted.<br />
<br />
Yesterday, I felt it was the first time in several weeks that I actually stopped and seized hold of a beautiful moment. So often, my mind has been working through checklists and tasks even as I have been 'relaxing'. In the evenings, if not occupied with church activities or academic work, I have often been considering different teaching methods and reviewing our home education materials to ensure we are providing each child with the best opportunities to build upon their unique learning style. There has always been a list of tasks to work through. Probably there always will be.<br />
<br />
But yesterday I felt a calm peace descending as the Lord gently reminded me of His sovereignty. There will be unexpected surprises and disappointments in life, and there will be times of trial and sorrow. There will be days of peace and stability, but also times of disquiet and turmoil. I cannot control these things, but He knows each of these days before it comes. Sometimes when I look at my young children, I find myself wondering what kind of world they will be adults in, what kind of trials and pressures they may face; but my job is not to worry about that - but rather to provide them with a solid foundation and worldview, to pray for them diligently and to teach them to critically appraise situations and arguments to reach a rational judgement.<br />
<br />
I was thankful to be reminded of all that I have been blessed with, and to be reminded to open my eyes to the beauty and blessings that surround me.<br />
<br />
I have not written much lately - there has not been much free time to write and reflect. The months seem to be passing quickly, and the children seem to be changing rapidly (in many good ways). I am reminded of the quote that 'the days are long but the years are short', and am thankful for the reminder to stop and be thankful for these busy days surrounded by noise, activity and laughter.</div>
Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-21040143666093511852017-06-17T23:01:00.000-07:002017-06-17T23:01:41.177-07:00Trusting God as we raise our children (subtitle: ignoring the pressures of this age)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I recently saw an amusing quotation on Facebook - it was along the lines of all the things a modern day mother needs to buy, cook, utilise and consider in order to raise a family, whereas 50 years ago, a mother would simply seek to feed, clothe and keep her children safe. I was also amused when reading how the laptop and tablet ban on some airlines has led to an outcry among parents who think it is impossible to travel without some kind of digital entertainment for their children. This blog summarises it better than I can, considering how <a href="http://www.screenfreeparenting.com/parent-like-its-1899-how-parents-of-previous-generations-got-a-moments-peace-without-screens-get-moments-peace/">parents of a bygone age managed without screens</a>.<br />
<br />
But this isn't a post about technologies and their pros and cons, but rather a reflection on how we can best raise our families in different settings where there is different availability of resources and activities. What got me thinking about this was a recent trip to my passport country. I enjoyed some activities like <a href="http://www.parkrun.org.uk/">park run</a> and heard my friends speak of a recent home education co-op trip to a castle. I saw piles of library books, and enjoyed walking down streets with safe pavements and using safe and efficient public transport. I missed these things! In fact, I wavered slightly, feeling sad that my children do not currently have these opportunities. However, when I reflect on that, I must remember that here we have exposure to a diverse array of wildlife, even in the city. We recently had opportunity to run through a game park with herds of zebra intermittently crossing our path. We spent a night in a rainforest and hiked to a waterfall. We camped beside a lake and lit a bonfire. We are exposed to a wide range of cultures and languages, and live in a climate whereby spending many hours each day out of doors is the norm and never burdensome. Which is better? (I think I would argue that neither is better - each presents unique and valuable opportunity)<br />
<br />
I also was reflecting on what parents consider to be 'activities for children'. When I first moved here, quite a few parents mused that, 'There isn't really much for children here'. A friend is leaving an east Asian country for the six week school holidays, because 'its hard to find things to do'. Another friend is prayerfully considering cross-cultural mission but is concerned about the impact it will have on her children, particularly with regard to availability of safe, enjoyable activities and resources for them. I just can't help but wonder if some of this misses the point, and whether the current western cultural view of what is 'good for children' has become incredibly narrow.<br />
<br />
For many years, children would help with the family business as soon as they were able to carry out even basic activities - be that farming, sewing, baking, manufacture and so forth. That remains the case in many parts of the world today, where young children take on responsibilities that might astound many in different parts of the world. (I note that this is not always a good thing - young boys herding goats along dangerous main roads is one example, or forced child labour in other places. But that is not the thrust of the statement I am making!) Children can thrive when given responsibility, and we've seen that in our household (I've also been amused by some online arguments about whether children should participate in chores, or whether we should 'let them be children'; it seems these are entirely asking the wrong question because these are not mutually exclusive by any means).<br />
<br />
Before modern forms of transport and telecommunications, people would live in much smaller, tighter communities. This need not be a bad thing. Rather than lament that our children may not have exposure to such a wide range of friends as they attend a range of activities, we can be thankful that they have the opportunity to build strong, perhaps more stable relationships. Another aspect of this which has surprised me was the tendency for some people to want to separate our children so that they could 'form their own friendships'. Often it is not seen as healthy for children to play well together across a wide range of age groups, and yet this was considered normal in so many places for so long. Indeed, evidence indicates that home educated children often <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Well-Adjusted-Child-Social-Benefits-Homeschooling/dp/1600651070">do better socially because they learn to build a diverse range of relationships</a>. There has also been much written about the fact that children s<a href="http://www.bbc.com/news/education-21895704">hould be given opportunity to be 'bored' </a>since it is then that creativity and team-work often flourish; we'd testify that has often been the case here!<br />
<br />
How many toys and games does a child need? I have friends in other countries who have whole rooms overflowing with toys and games, and yet the children can still complain that they are, 'bored and have nothing to do'. Indeed, it can seem that with so much choice, the children are bewildered and unable to focus. Whereas in African villages, you will see children happily playing for hours with a stick and an old tyre, or some other simple game or toy. I think we find a medium approach - yes, we have a train-track and boxes of lego and a few other things, but try and have a 'one game at a time' rule (except perhaps now, where they are building a Duplo camp next to their railway, and there seems to be a very clear aim). There are other parenting articles (for example, <a href="http://makinghome.blogspot.ug/2013/10/6-tips-for-choosing-evergreen-toys.html">here,</a> <a href="http://www.parents.com/fun/toys/kid-toys/top-10-toy-for-creativity/?slideId=29075">here</a> and <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health-fitness/mind/best-toys-boost-childrens-creativity/">here</a>) which describe what constitutes a 'good' game or toy for a child, but my basic rule is that I want something where they can really use their creativity and imagination - I do not want something that can only be used in one way, for one thing.<br />
<br />
When I first arrived here, I confess that I had many concerns about 'finding things to do'. I remember walking along a road, dodging motorcycles which had mounted the basic pavement, and wondering how on earth I would ever be able to move around here with the children. One thing I really miss is public parks, large areas of safe, green space where children can run, climb, cycle and play. Previously, we would spend several hours per day there, come rain or shine. Here, we have had to be more creative. The roads rarely have pavement, the traffic is unsafe, and it is often hot and dusty (you sweat and then get coated with bright orange dust). However we have found some roads in a residential area which are quite green and leafy, are a little wider and sometimes have a grass verge, and where the traffic is less if we choose the time wisely. The children have invented games about being explorers or wildlife photographers, and even have several 'bases' (usually the underside of a bush or the shelter of a tree) where they make camp. They have also become very aware of road-safety and as they get older, I feel increasingly able to relax whilst out there. Now, I don't miss the parks so much (until I make a visit back and see them afresh!). We also have a quiet section of dirt road outside our gate, several hundred metres long. That is perfect for sprint training and playing on bikes, again if we choose the time of day wisely. I look back and the time when I felt such anxiety, and see how God has provided us with what we need - it was not immediately obvious, but with time we have found what we needed.<br />
<br />
These are just some examples and thoughts. I know that when moving overseas, providing for our children is often one of the biggest concerns and priorities. At first glance, it can seem that there are 'fewer things for children to do', but I would counter that this need not be the case. It might require a paradigm shift, but even in a bustling city, there can be fresh opportunities. Children often see things differently to adults - I've enjoyed watching my children develop their games and fun things to do.<br />
<br />
I want to encourage you that if you are considering cross-cultural work and are concerned about this, that you may well be surprised! Children often do adapt much better than their parents, and pick up language, culture and customs better than adults do through 'cross-cultural training'. You might need to adapt to this - for example, my sons rarely wear shirts, are rarely clean and enjoy eating insects! But they are busy, happy, have built friendships and are developing spiritually and educationally. What else really matters?<br />
<br /></div>
Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-59018767679947399522017-05-28T20:41:00.000-07:002017-05-28T20:41:26.506-07:00Living between different worlds<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am sitting in an airport lounge waiting to fly back to my
home in East Africa. I am returning from a week-long work-related visit to my
passport country, and am now longing to be back in the warmth, chaos and dust
of home.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It has been over a year since I was last here. So many
people have asked me open-ended questions, such as ‘How are the family?’, or,
‘How is work?’, or ‘What is your church like?’, or ‘How is Africa?’ Often I am
quite bewildered to know where to start. There are some things that are just
too difficult to fully explain, and it is easier to focus on concrete facts
(like, ‘Please pray for a favourable judgement at my daughter’s adoption
hearing’). As I return home, I feel quite emotional and jumbled, and from that
perspective, offer a few reflections of what it can be like for a person who
now lives far away to parachute back into their ‘old’ life for a short time:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>General
bewilderment:</b> It is just like parachuting back in to a life which in some
ways feels absolutely familiar and which in other ways feels completely
foreign. I find this really unsettling – examples this time have included a
change in several denominations of the currency used, some quite dramatic
fashion trends (for example full beards on young men), people who have undergone
significant life events in the time I have been gone, computerisation of all
medical records in the hospital where I work and even the building of a brand
new, very shiny hospital (not open yet – likely to be by the time I am next
back)<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>Relationships.</b>
It can be immensely rewarding and encouraging to meet with friends, even for a
short time, and yet at the same time, this can also be frustrating as there
just isn’t always enough time to really connect. I have not worked out a
particular formula to predict which encounters will fall into which of these
categories, but I have noted a couple of things. For me, I don’t even tell very
many people that I will be around – I pray about this a lot before making the
trip, and then get in contact with a few people. It is much easier to meet one
on one with a person and talk properly than to be surrounded by many people,
but not actually get to talk to any of them at any level. I often find it quite
bewildering to be surrounded by friends who are all chatting away about many
different things – particularly when I am just back, I’d much rather meet for a
quiet meal, coffee or walk in the park with just one or two people. At the same
time, I also pray that God shows me any opportunities I should make the most of
– for example colleagues going out after work, a group of friends going to a
run together, or somebody you had not planned to meet who has a particular need.
This time, I particularly enjoyed something called Park Run where I went with
two friends and bumped into a number of people I had not seen for years. It was
relaxed and enjoyable and conversation was easy as we’d all just shared a run
on a beautiful morning. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>Cultural
changes.</b> There are often subtle changes in the way people think, talk and
behave, and it can be noticeable even after a year. I had read a statistic that
in the UK apparently more food is now consumed outside the home than at home (I
am still not quite convinced I believe this). On my first two nights, staying
with two different friends, both decided ‘just to go out for dinner because
it’s easier’. It’s a small thing, but took me by surprise. (Both were extremely
pleasant evenings, and I am not commenting on whether this choice is a good one
or not, but rather that this was not something that I would have ever thought
of doing!). More sadly, there is a huge amount of pressure towards general
tolerance, and particularly shifting of gender and sexual norms. There are
subtle (and not so subtle) signals of this everywhere, and I have found myself
relieved that I have not needed to explain such things to my children (yet). I
have little doubt that when we visit for longer as a family, that my now
capable readers will ask me some interesting questions about things they see
and read out and about, on billboards, in newspapers and on screens. I think in
some ways it is helpful to come back and be a little shocked by a shift away
from biblically correct worldview – it is a reminder that we need to live in
this world as strangers and pilgrims, being as innocent as doves but as shrewd
as snakes (in the words of Jesus). It helps me to pray for the country of my
birth, for my friends and family, for the political decisions that are made,
and also to prayerfully consider how to prepare my children for their first visit
back.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->4.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>Emotion.</b>
I tend to be quite pragmatic about life, and tend to see problems as challenges
to overcome and opportunities for growth. I tend to be thankful for what is in
front of me in different places (people, food, gospel opportunities, fun things
to do) rather than lamenting the things that are not available in that place.
But I find short visits a strangely emotional whirlwind. In Africa, I have good
friends and feel very settled in a church where we can both serve and grow as
Christians. But there is often just a level of separation – of not quite
feeling really understood, having to be a little careful about use of humour,
of always feeling a little guarded and aware that there may be cultural
undertones of which I am unaware. When I am back in the culture where I grew
up, I do not feel some of these subtle barriers, and with some friends, there
is this amazingly liberating feeling of being understood. This is really
precious, and I think you don’t always realise quite how precious it is until you
do not have it. This week I have been greatly encouraged and refreshed by some
of my closest friends, and I feel sad to be leaving (but thankful at least for
the internet and ways of trying to remain in touch). At church this morning I
felt quite overcome by a wave of emotion – thankfulness, sadness and a real
awareness of eternity where every tribe and tongue will sing God’s praises in
harmony.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->5.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]--><b>Loss.</b>
If you read this blog, you know I am thankful for so many things that I could
not even begin to list them. But with that, there are feelings of sadness and
loss. Two days ago, it was nine years since my daughter died, and because I was
in the right country, I was able to visit her grave. I was able to reflect on
all she taught me, and all I am thankful for. But there is always going to be
sadness there. When she died, I really did feel like a part of me died too. I
think the part of me that died was a selfish, worldly part that feels entitled
to pleasure and comfort in this current world. Another part was a fresh
innocent hope that this world was not as bad as many people say, but her death
was a reminder that this world is fallen, broken and in need of redemption. The
Bible is clear on those points. So whilst I am thankful too for these lessons,
I can still feel the raw pain – almost as though somebody had ripped my heart
out and thrown it at a wall. Another reflection that comes is that as we live
in this world, almost all of us will face pain and loss of one degree or
another. Many of my African friends have been through more than my European
friends could possibly imagine. Some of my European friends have been through
more than many of my African friends would understand. One group might face
political instability, genocide and prejudice, hunger, poverty and high death
rates from illnesses which might be preventable in other parts of the world.
Others might face abuse from dysfunctional families, mental illness and
addiction, financial insecurity and bereavement without the support structure
to support them through it. Nobody is immune to pain and loss. And when I move
from one world to another, sharing the lives of people from many places, I feel
aware of the pain that is a universal part of being human. I long for the new
heaven promised in Revelation chapter 21, where we are promised that there will
be no more illness, pain or death and that the Lord Himself will wipe away
every tear. True comfort is found nowhere else.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am aware that this reflection is not particularly well
structured, and that I have touched on a number of challenging themes without
really working the thread through to a conclusion. In attempt to draw things
together a little, I would say:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->If you have friends or family who have moved
between cultures, be aware that coming back for a visit may bring complex
thoughts and feelings that can be difficult to articulate<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Be aware that this must be very similar for
those who have moved into your country and culture from elsewhere – and take
the time to listen<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Remember that God’s family will be made from
every tribe and tongue. We are all made in His image, and in this world, we all
know joy and pain, sadness and loss, hope and despair, often all jumbled in a
complex tangle<o:p></o:p></div>
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</span><!--[endif]-->Be thankful for what you have – relationships,
material provisions, health and strength – and where you feel loss in these
areas, find things that you can give thanks for<o:p></o:p></div>
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</span><!--[endif]-->Remember that confusion, misunderstanding and
loss will be in this world until Jesus returns to make all things new. Beware
of the idol of earthly comfort and security and seek to live as a stranger and
pilgrim in this world, spending your life (your time, your strength, your
resources) to build His kingdom<o:p></o:p></div>
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Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-59354557245577593752017-05-17T10:30:00.001-07:002017-05-17T10:30:28.936-07:00Five years of blogging!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I started blogging at <a href="http://homeeducationnovice.blogspot.ug/">Home Education Novice</a> five years ago, on May 17th 2012. At that time, I had three sons aged under three, and we had decided that we would home educate from the start. In the country where I was living (UK), my oldest son was reaching the age where he would be eligible for 15 hours per week of free nursery placement, and many people expressed real shock that I wouldn't take up that offer. I started to write as I researched home education, and sought support and encouragement from others who had chosen a path which was less well travelled.<br />
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What a lot can change in five years!<br />
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Some of this has been physical - we have moved seven times involving three different countries. But more than that, as the family have grown and as we've continued to embrace home education, we are thankful for the choices that we made, and for friends who supported us in those choices. I have been very thankful for the online community, through blogs, Facebook pages and discussion forums. I think we all have days when we are tired, and perhaps question our decision-making, or are tempted to compare ourselves and our children to others. It helps to recognise that others feel that way too, and that whilst we need take care never to become arrogant or rigid in our thinking, that our basic underlying motivations for homeschooling remain. It was a good choice then, and it is a good choice now.<br />
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I love watching each child develop. There is something almost magical about that moment when 'the penny drops' and a child grasps a concept or moves forward a step. But it's important to remember that on all the days in between, there is progress being made, and by being able to work at a child's own speed and tailor resources and supplementary materials to their needs is a wonderful benefit of home schooling. There are other days when you see real character development - perseverance in the face of trials, showing kindness and going the extra mile for another person, becoming more aware of the needs of those around them. These are every bit as important as academic milestones.<br />
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We don't often notice people criticising our choices these days. I think part of it is that people who thought they might change our mind in the early days have accepted that we are convinced this is right for now. Some of it might be that we are less sensitive. Perhaps we are more surrounded by friends who have also made alternative choices. And some of it will be the simple evidence of observing my children, seeing how the speak, occupy themselves and interact with others. (Yes, they have dreadful moments of selfishness and disobedience too, but the general trend of their lives is positive).<br />
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This week we celebrated our third 'Box Day'; Sonlight users know what I refer to. We have a busy year ahead of us, but plenty of fun is planned. It was great to unpack and organise all the resources and reflect on just how much each of the children has moved on in the last year.<br />
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I aim to continue to blog - my aim is to write once a week, on a topic relating to Christian living. That might relate to home education, or family life, cross-cultural living and Christian missions, life-work balance, adoption, discipline and home-making or another area where I feel the impact of our faith warrants discussion. I hope and pray that these posts bring encouragement, where-ever you are reading from.<br />
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Here's to another five years!<br />
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Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-76788377748494580502017-05-01T11:42:00.000-07:002017-05-01T11:42:36.973-07:00Longing for home<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Sometimes I feel a deep longing for 'home' - a place where we are fully understood, a place where we do not need to explain ourselves, a place where we can rest and receive refreshment and nurture, and somewhere were we are surrounded by loved ones. But I know that if I were to get on a plane tomorrow and go back to the country of my birth, it would not help in the slightest because it would no longer seem like 'home'. This is something others who have lived and worked overseas often find to be a challenge - that you long for something, perhaps a particular place, or a relationship - but when you get there, <a href="http://www.alifeoverseas.com/visiting-home-might-not-be-all-you-dreamed-it-would-be/">so much as changed </a>that you realise that longing had been misplaced. Some months ago, I came across <a href="http://www.alifeoverseas.com/fernweh-and-heimweh-words-for-the-one-whos-far-from-home/">this interesting article</a> that describes the feelings a little more poetically than I might.<br />
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I don't think it is just to do with being overseas (although it would be <a href="https://anabundantadventure.blogspot.ug/2016/02/supporting-friends-overseas-5-things-i.html">lovely to hear the day to day news from friends and family</a> more often!). I recognise this to be an area I have written about several times over the past few years, sometimes typing from the house that we own in our 'home' country. Yes, we may have moved about more than many people, yes, there are few people that we have regular contact with who have known us for more than a couple of years, but it is something more than that.<br />
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1 Corinthians speaks of our true home in Chapter 13, the famous passage about love. <b>'For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known' 1 Cor 13:12.</b> It is only in heaven that we will really be fully known, and have that perfect rest that I long for here.<br />
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Hebrews Chapter 3 speaks of heaven as 'entering into rest'. There are other passages that I could point to that make it clear that as a Christian, this world is not, and will not be our true home. We should not expect to find true rest here, and should not be surprised when we feel the deep longing inside ourselves.<br />
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Whilst it is true that as Christians, our true home is not here in this world, I also wonder whether there are some times of life and some choices we make that can increase the sense of isolation a little. There are times when it almost aches in a way I can't easily verbalise. Some of the current challenges include:<br />
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1) The children are young. As parents, we are the only ones who really know them well, and we embrace our role and responsibility to raise them in the fear of the Lord. They need a lot of supervision - help with practical tasks like eating, dressing and bathing, but also guidance and discipline with regard to how they interact with one another. There are days when you can feel that you don't get a second to rest, or that as soon as you turn your back to take a phone call or take part in a conversation, that something happens that calls your attention away. I think here it is so important to remember that these days are fleeting. One theme that emerges time after time when I speak to older Christian women, or gain encouragement from their blogs, is that 'the days are long but the years are short'. There will be a time when they don't need such intensive interaction and guidance. There will be a time when they might not want to tell you every single little thing that comes into their minds. I need to remember this - right now, this is one of my God-given roles, and I can choose to seek God's strength to do this with joy, patience and love.<br />
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2) We home educate. This decision brings with it responsibility, and means that we may well be less free during the day than other adults. At this time of life, we can't easily nip out to run errands, or to spend time with somebody who needs encouragement. It is also tiring - physically, but also at times emotionally as you reflect on your choices, on the different children and their respective needs, and question whether you are doing what is best for each of them. It can be difficult to talk about the tiredness and isolation that comes at times - because many people would just say, 'Send them to school', or, 'Get a nanny', or provide a solution which rather than encouraging us IN our role, seeks to remove us from it. I think probably most homeschooling parents feel this way at times, and this is one reason why groups and co-ops are so helpful (and why I like to read blogs when I don't have so much day to day interaction with other like-minded parents).<br />
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3) In our family, we work part time, <a href="http://weshallobtaindeliveringgrace.blogspot.ug/2015/07/where-both-parents-share-home-education.html">sharing the homeschooling</a>. This is great for our family, and brings a lot of flexibility and other advantages as summarised in the link. But it might increase our feeling of isolation both in the workplace ('Why would you work part-time?', 'Are you really committed to your work?', 'You could earn far more...', 'What do you mean you can't meet on Thursdays?' - probably harder for my husband as it is a less typical role to take) and in the homeschooling community (this one is certainly harder for my husband - he has felt quite unwelcome at some homeschooling meet-ups, which saddens me. Even the curriculum we use sends a note with the delivery to 'Moms', even thought it does make clear that they'd like more photos of homeschooling dads interacting with their children for the catalogue!). I think basically, when people don't understand what you are doing or why, that can bring with it a sense of isolation. It doesn't matter so much what the reasons are - sometimes people may feel threatened somehow, or that they are envious of our life-work balance, whereas others probably just think we are completely crazy! The point is, we don't have many like minded individuals that we can draw alongside.<br />
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4) Work in general - as we get more senior, we both find ourselves in challenging situations from time to time, and have less of a natural peer group than we did as juniors. Even amongst our own profession, we can find it difficult to explain the different roles we have. So whilst we are very thankful for the diverse roles we can take on, the flexibility in our working schedules and the overseas opportunities that arise, it can be isolating.<br />
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There is not an easy solution, but perhaps some clear principles:<br />
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1) Our true home is in heaven, and it is there we will finally know perfect understanding and rest. Our ultimate source of solace and comfort is in our relationship with God, and this must be a priority in our lives (no matter how busy we are).<br />
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2) If we live wholeheartedly for Christ, we will face times of isolation, even from others in the church who have made different choices. If we are fully persuaded in our own mind that our choices are right before God, we must persevere and pray for the strength we need.<br />
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3) We need to focus on the immediate God-given task in front of us, being thankful for what we have rather than lamenting what we do not have. <a href="http://www.daringdaughters.org/elisabeth-elliot/">Elisabeth Elliott</a> has written some great truths through her own life of faith which bring encouragement here.<br />
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4) When we meet like-minded people - whether that be homeschooling parents, Christian colleagues, those who feel they have swum against the tide or stepped off the beaten track, we should celebrate the encouragement we can share<br />
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5) We should be honest with those close to us. I often find this a tension - to not grumble about or resent what God has given me, but to also be able to share honestly with friends that there are times of trial.<br />
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6) We can trust that God gives us 'our daily bread' - what we need for each day. We should not worry about tomorrow, or compare ourselves to others around us. God knows what is best (see Romans 8) but does not promise that it will always be easy!<br />
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Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6764693231311987985.post-33901741672472198972017-04-22T09:48:00.000-07:002017-04-22T09:48:05.217-07:00Mastery versus Spiral<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Sometimes I wish I had more time to really think about educational theory and debate. When we first started homeschooling, I made this a bit more of a priority, and at the same time I was studying for a Certificate in Education. What really made an impact on me was the importance of recognising, and responding to different learning styles. This has been very much brought home to me by teaching two boys who are six months apart in age, but massively different in their approach to learning.<br />
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When considering which maths programme to use, we chose <a href="http://www.singaporemath.com/">Singapore Maths</a>. <a href="https://oaxacaborn.com/2017/02/13/singapore-math-works/">This blog article</a> summarises some of the strengths nicely. An interesting point of debate is whether <a href="https://demmelearning.com/learning-blog/mastery-vs-spiral-the-debate-continues/">one should use a 'mastery' or a 'spiral' approach.</a> For me, like many other areas of education, I feel it can be wrong to 'religiously' adhere to a particular approach, but to remain flexible according to the prevailing need at the time. I would say we use a predominantly mastery based approach, but also seek to spiral the curriculum to bring reinforcement after a period of time looking at a different topic.<br />
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I like that Singapore maths provides extra 'intensive practice' workbooks - there are times when my children seem to grasp a concept rapidly, and the lack of drilling and repetition is valued. But there are other times when they (sometimes one more than another) just need a little more time. I also like the optional 'Challenging word problems' which seek to provide true to live practical application of where the numeracy skills are important. I recently had a discussion with a friend where she asked, 'What is the point of quadratic equations?' I would have probably asked the same question at the end of secondary school, but now through the biomedical science research with which I am involved, I regularly use quadratic and differential equations. Would it not have really brought the topic to life had we been exposed to such real-life examples in secondary school? Anyway - I digress!<br />
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The importance of mastery is that a child really comes to understand and be fluent in a particular area. This is not learning for learning's sake or 'teaching to the test', but developing a mature grasp of the material at hand - be that language arts, mathematics, scientific discipline, musical skills, foreign language... I could go on. A beauty of homeschooling is that we can take time to re-inforce areas where a child struggles, and take time to develop that fuller understanding before moving on.<br />
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Over the past year, there have been times where we have paused in our 'schedule' because we have recognised that one child or other needs a little longer on a topic. Then, we use both the materials we have to hand, and seek other, creative approaches to communicate the topic, before returning to the structured materials. It is very encouraging to see that moment when the penny drops, and a child suddenly moves forwards in leaps and bounds. Overall we have not found this to delay us - whilst there might be some topics which require extra time, others are grasped immediately, or perhaps have already been covered almost in the course of daily life. It is great to be able to move forward quickly at times, and slow down at others, and indeed to spend longer going over the basics with one child whilst setting the other a more advanced assignment.<br />
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We will finish our 'academic year' next week, and the next batch of resources are on order. This gives us a short break, and it is often valuable for us to reflect on which areas have been a little weaker, and seek other, creative ways to re-inforce principles. For language arts, this is often letter writing, for maths it might be practical problems, using manipulatives or drawing number grids in chalk in the back yard. Often I try to use 'stealth attacks' - so that the child/ren don't always realise they are being taught. We try to choose games and puzzles which also build on what they have learnt, and it is good to have a couple of weeks where we do more of these types of activity. (As a parent, these days are every bit as structured and planned as the more 'formal' days, but the children hopefully don't see this and enjoy the freedom!)<br />
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But whilst I love the mastery concept, I am also grateful for the way the <a href="http://www.sonlight.com/">curriculum spirals</a> - this means that with three boys doing language arts at different levels, between them there will be re-inforcement of concepts without them feeling they are repeating the same topic. I have found that an added benefit of home educating a group of children who are close in age, but are covering slightly different materials.<br />
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In conclusion, I am thankful for the flexibility of home education. I am glad to be able to choose resources that seem to fit the learning styles of my children, and where there is space to slow down or speed up depending on aptitude. </div>
Kondwanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02290415492637315025noreply@blogger.com0